Turtle Channel!!!

Ahhh.....almost one year...it will be one full year of marriage this Sunday. On Friday, we're going for a dinner in Sheraton. Thank Goodness that will be paid for. Otherwise, we won't be able to afford an anniversary dinner ^.^

Actually, it's quite funny. We're totally hopeless at planning our finances because we do things completely differently from each other. It's only until now, when we are both having negative income (for two months now), that we realised somehow our individual methods are not working out quite like before. I know, I know...it's obvious to anyone who's reading this that finances should be discussed thoroughly...but it's not easy to discuss it thoroughly if you don't first experience it together!!! Anyway, it's quite refreshing to have a financial plan that we both can follow through with.

So on our actual Anniversary (Sunday), I guess I'll have to cook something and light a few candlelights...perhaps I can run a bath and light a few more candles in there too....AND, staying by the lake has its advantages since we can take an evening walk and watch the sun set at the lake before dinner...makes for a rather romantic environment.

Hmm...I guess I should have enough small change to buy some roses at the market to brighten up the place also! Huzzah!!!

The grasshopper lazed around all summer, hopping and singing. When winter came, he starved to death. The ant, on the other hand, worked all summer storing food. When winter came and food was scarce, he had plenty to survive on. Yet despite the cold and forlorn weather, he went out anyway in search of more food to store up.

His life seemed filled with excitement. On a good day, he may stumble upon a huge chunk of meat left behind by a young child who didn't want to finish dinner. During that time, he will rush from his nest to the meat, and back again...and again...and again...until the meat is completely stripped and all the food is safely stored. On a bad day, he will battle the cold while sniffing the air in search for some trace of food. He may hunt up to 20 miles from his nest, fighting the danger of being stomped by a passing human or being eaten up by one of his enemies, or even accidental drowning in a puddle of melted snow. Everyday, his life is full of excitement, until he has ceased to enjoy any of the excitement. It is all boring to him in the end, all lost in the pursue of more food.

The turtle sleeps comfortably in his shell, getting up only to search for some vegetation before going back into its shell. Occasionally, he searches for a warm spot of sun to sit under, or if the weather is warm, he searches for a shady tree to hide under. He learns to live in a bit of boredom, and when it is time to search for food or water, he will embrace the excitement for a while.

To be perpetually idle would make one too bored...and when one is too bored, one is prone to destrucive activities. After all, an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Yet, to be perpetually excited would make one numb to the adventure, which is a disease that seems to afflict modern society. One would need more and more excitement to stimulate oneself, and a bit of boredom or quiet seems unbearable. Yet, all the excitement will become boring in itself, and infest itself in an unendurable ennui for life which destroys the soul of youthfulness. By understanding the law of balance and accepting that boredom, like excitement is part of natural life, excitement can be enjoyed to the fullest.

Somedays I wonder if life passes me by too quickly. And somedays I wonder if life passes me by too slowly.

The day my self-conciousness fell, it became clear that the only person who notices my comings and goings is me. Like the gnat who lands on the bulls horn, one's own importance is only evident to oneself.

I started to see life passing by in different speeds. Sometimes when watching the ambitious man work, I see him working towards a goal that never seems to be attainable. Is he driven? Probably. But is he happy? Often the answer is negative. The drive that compels him to efficiency and effectiveness pushes him to greater heights, but he is too busy looking forward to fully enjoy the sights. He is rewarded for his efforts, but he punishes himself for his success with more work.

The one who appears to enjoy life fully lives in idleness. Day by day passes into another, slowly, like a dream that never ends. Leisure shopping one afternoon fades into a workout in the gym, coffee in a hotel lounge and entertainment in the local bar. The determination to enjoy life is so strong, that one barely enjoys it at all. A life that forces itself upon enjoyment will live only to seek more enjoyment, never to be truly satisfied with the current moment nor truly be happy in their own skin.

Yet, the pursuit of happiness is not for anyone else's pleasure but one's own. It is not to show others that one is happy. Calmness and happiness is not a decision nor a concious effort to hide the dissatisfaction and burst of unnatural energy. It is a state of mind.

The only person who notices my comings and goings, failures and successes is myself. No one else really cares. Hence, there lies my happiness.