Turtle Channel!!!

I always thought that falling in love required a lot of effort and time to get to know a person. I had a list of criteria and needs from a partner and so, i always felt that the screening process is part of falling in love. After all, how do I love someone completely if I can't accept a certain trait?

But I was quite wrong. When I met Ye Chow, I had a long list of reasons why it could never work out between us, and why I would never love him as more than a friend. I even shared that list with my family. I knew that we would be great friends, and I knew that he was not someone I could love simply because he didn't match me in a lot of ways.

So I went along my merry way, occasionally telling him that "No, I don't want to be your girlfriend" or "No, I don't want to be your wife" whenever he brought up the subject. I told him so clearly and concisely that we were just friends, that he had almost all but given up.

And one day it hit me really really really really really really REALLY hard.

It happened to be one of those days when we were having a simple dinner in a coffeeshop after a game of badminton. I was just sitting there, eating some veggie and tofu and chatting with him. It wasn't a special dinner. It wasn't a special moment. My heart didn't beat faster, nor did I hear music in the background. In fact, I didn't even have thoughts anything like what I expected myself to have when I fall hard, you know, thoughts like "He makes me whole" or "he completes me".

In fact, all I was thinking about was how nice the moment was, having a warm meal after a tiring game. How I really liked to just sit there with him. And I didn't need anything more than that.

It was then, and only then, that it hit me. It wasn't until that moment that I truly knew what it meant to fall in love. I didn't have any overwhelming emotions. I didn't have any big efforts to put in. I just wanted to be with him, I didn't need anything more than that. I was contented just to sit there with him and watch him eat tofu (which can be rather yucky coz he tends to stuff a lot of veggie and rice into his mouth all at once). It was a very strong feeling of contentment and peace.

That was when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man I just told something like 100000 times, "We can never be more than just friends". In fact, I told the same thing to my parents! What a catastrophe!!!!!!

The first thing I did was to tell all those who needed to know that I was in love with Ye Chow. After a week of explaining to all those involved (I shall not go into the details), I finally told my parents, who were obviously very surprised. And two weeks after I told my parents, Ye Chow proposed AGAIN (without a ring). And I said "yes", knowing fully well that we had a long road ahead of us. My parents won't get over the shock easily (only 2 weeks with him and I was telling them about marriage). I would have plenty of problems with my ex. My friends would question the speed of the whole thing. And I had to meet his parents as his girl friend! AND, we had a wedding to plan on top of all that. But, it was well worth it, just to know that I could be sitting contentedly with him. I never felt as much peace before.

They said it doesn't take more than a second start falling in love. I agree and disagree. Sometimes, for people who are dense, it takes them a few months to realise it. But it takes less than a second after it hits them to make the final decision to love someone else.

That's how I fell in love anyway.

I must confess, I had a small misunderstanding with Ye Chow recently. He was reading a book which is a compilation of short stories written by some guy a few centuries ago. The stories describe the daily lives of him and his neighbourhood, as well as some rumours and strange happenings. It sounded very interesting, and I wanted to share the moment with him. The problem was that he was reading a Chinese book and since I can’t read a word of Chinese, I asked him to translate for me as he went along.

He took it as me distracting him and not letting him read the book. In the end, he went to the hall area to read. And I got pretty mad, so I went to sleep.

And I had a really awful dream.

***
Ye Chow and I were in our car, driving along the road to get to a shopping complex in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. We noticed that there had been a bad accident. There were a few cars at the side of the road that seemed very badly damaged. In fact, one of them was lying on the pavement in two pieces!! And there were bundles of clothes everywhere. I averted my eyes since I can’t bear to see accidents. It was then that I noticed something really weird. The road that we were driving on had pools of red puddles. In fact, as we travelled further, the red puddles were larger and larger until it appeared as if we were driving on a red road. There were more damaged cars, and horror of horrors, it finally dawned onto me that those sack of clothes that were increasing in numbers were actually mutilated bodies! I wanted to shut my eyes, but my curiosity was so strong that I couldn’t help but look harder. Some bodies appeared to be cut into two, which was why I couldn’t recognize them as human corpses. Some were strewing from the damaged cars (which also appeared to be smashed into two), while some were pretty much scattered in smaller pieces all over the road. I could even smell blood.

I was so horrified that I didn’t notice Ye Chow’s reactions until he spoke up. He wanted to stop at a nearby shop and just stay indoors. He didn’t think it was a good idea to continue driving on the road where the number of “accidents” seems to be increasing. So we stopped and walked into a small grocery shop. There, we found a lot of people huddling together watching a small TV set in the corner of the store. Most of them had a look of disbelief, while others had a really blank stare. The owner of the shop, a big Indian man behind the counter, told us that a gigantic-size tractor just went by 20-30 minutes ago. That tractor was attacking other vehicles. He had heard a lot of screaming and screeching of tyres, and the sound of metal crunching. On the TV set, a special news report on TV3 had pre-empted all other programs.

Apparently, a couple of teens had stolen an experimental vehicle from the Agricultural Research Institute. It was indeed a gigantic-size tractor, designed for harvesting paddy (rice). It had a detachable loader in the front and backhoe at the back, which would convert the tractor into a very strong vehicle for construction purposes. The machine was so powerful that it purportedly could do the job of 3-4 other tractors. The only problem was that in the hands of two reckless teens on a murderous spree.

A video feed from the news station helicopter showed the tractor “attacking” motorcyclist and motorists along its path. While many motorists can speed away in their far more powerful cars, many motorcyclists were not so lucky. The backhoe had an extendable arm that could easily nudge the motorcyclist to ground, after which the two boys would drive over the wounded and kill them. They also used the front loader to damage any cars that were parked at the side of the road.

The scene was so awful. On the TV screen, we could see people dying. Outside the window of the shop, we could see so much blood and corpses. I felt so nauseated. Ye Chow told me we couldn’t stay in the shop forever, as more and more people were coming in. We should probably get into our car and go home where it would be safe. I was so afraid to go out that I wanted to object vehemently, but when he walked out, I found myself following after him very numbly. Although I was screaming inside, I couldn’t utter a word. I just couldn’t find my voice to object to driving out there where the teen boys were still on the loose.

Throughout the drive home, I would find my heart pounding and ears ringing at every turn. I wanted to look out at every junction, but I found myself looking the opposite direction. It was as if I was two people at the same time. One person wanted to be cautious, alert and careful. The other person wanted to hide away, deny the danger, and do nothing.

And suddenly, the world seemed fake to me. When I looked out the front windscreen, I saw a world of colours that were not real. I saw that life was always going to end in death. I saw that whether I died under a tractor at the age of 25 or on a hospital bed at the age of 80, it would not make much of a difference to the world. These colours were not real, nor permanent. I would take nothing of it with me when the tractor comes. I turned to look at the man driving beside me. He looked so unfamiliar now. Just another human body next to me. I did not recognise his face anymore. But when he glanced at me, I recognised his presence. The face meant nothing.

Outside, the road was still red. There were police cars and ambulances going the opposite direction towards the city. Yet I didn’t feel like I was a part of the world anymore.

And then I woke up.
***

The first thing I did was to get Ye Chow to apologize to me and sort out the misunderstanding. You really should never go to bed angry.

This is a classic story (Taoism) that was very well translated. I leave it here to share it with you:

Chia-Shan and his First Light
One of my favorite Zen stories is that of the Boat monk. The story teaches the dharma and illustrates the high Zen literary style.Seems that a group of monks attained some degree of the Tao under a famous Zen teacher, Master Yao-shan. One of them was Teh-cheng and his dharma brothers were Yun-men and Tao-wu. Master Teh-cheng knew he didn't have the personality to teach a large number of people or run a monastery, so he told his brothers to send him someone of exceptional talent when they found one rather than open up a teaching center himself.

As is the rule, his job would also be to transmit the dharma to a qualified student if he could find one, but without a teaching center, he had no way to attract a student. Therefore his dharma brothers would have to send someone who had the karmic affinity with Teh-cheng for awakening. So he told them, "You know where I am staying. If you find a student of sharp potential, send him to me so that I may transmit the dharma."

Years later, it just so happened that Teh-cheng's dharma brother Tao-wu was attending a lecture by a famous monk, named Chia-shan, who already had a great following. Chia-shan knew all about the dharma and was extremely eloquent. He could respond to every question with the proper words, and yet he lacked the dharma eye...he lacked any true stage of attainment. Ask him any question and he could respond with the right words ... but without the dharma eye, everything was actually wrong because it could enlighten no one. He knew the words but did not know the real meaning -- he had not achieved it.

His case was like the intellectuals today who study the Bible, Koran, Buddhist sutras, Torah, or any such book or sets of books, know all the perfect words to use so that they sound as if they are in accord with the traditional teachings, and yet everything they say lacks any touch with True Reality. Why? Because those folks have no cultivation attainment themselves. They are dogma literalists rather than enlightened sages. So while they may be intellectually brilliant they are spiritually bereft, and cannot lead anyone to liberation.

That's the state of the world. That's 99.999999999999% of teachers and religious professionals out there.

So while attending the lecture, Master Tao-wu just kept himself quiet and concealed, but he snickered when Chia-shan answered a question correctly ... in order to attract attention. After it was over, Chia-shan respectfully approached master Tao-wu and asked what mistake he had made that his elder had done so.

Tao-wu replied, "You answered correctly, it's just that you've never been taught by a good teacher. I never explain things. If you want to learn, you must go to visit the boatman's place at the city of Hau-ting (where the Boatman Monk Teh-cheng was staying)."

Now because he really was interested in self-improvement, Chia-shan set off right away. This, in itself, shows he was of extraordinary character and not too full of himself. Chia-shan was right in theory, but did not have a real experience of the dharma, yet didn't know it. He thought he was right, but also suspected that he was wrong, that he was missing something though everything he said was correct and according to the scriptures. Amazingly, he was willing to take advice and was anxious to find the answer despite already being established and having a great reputation, so off he went. Would you do that? Now at the location, the dharma brother Teh-cheng had settled into a job ferrying people across a river, and had done so for several decades waiting for a good student. No one knew of his high stage of attainment. When the young monk arrived, with one look he knew that he had been cultivating and had some ability, but needed to be awakened to a true direct experience of the dharma. He needed a real, direct experience of the Tao. He knew all the right words, the sutras, the dharma and so forth, but he was clinging to all these explanations and his conceptualizations. He had become an intellectual master rather than reality master. He could not let go of them to realize no-self, no-ego, emptiness. Therefore he had not attained the Tao.

Upon meeting young master Chia-shan, who knew all the correct words but had no direct taste of reality, Teh-cheng opened up the conversation by asking, "What temple do you dwell in, oh virtuous one?"

Chia-shan answered with words that point to the Tao, though of course he did not have that stage of attainment: "I do not dwell in a temple. Dwelling is not like it."

Why did he say this? Because the original nature is not a state, and if you dwell or abide in any state it is NOT the Tao. Chia-shan was saying he understood the Tao by answering in such a way because a regular monk would simply have mentioned the name of his city or monastery.

The boatman then asked, "It is not like what?"

Chia-shan once again correctly answered the correct intellectual response, "It is not the phenomena before our eyes." Because Chia-shan kept answering correctly, but without without possessing the true dharma experience himself, it was like someone who would respond with the right scriptural retort from the Bible ... though everything said was everything right and you could not find any fault with it, you could tell they were wrong. I'm sure you've had that experience because it is hard to explain.

A little bit disgusted at these canned responses, the Boat monk Teh-Cheng then asked, "Where did you learn all this (way of answering)?"

Chia-shan answered, "It is not something that the eyes or ears can reach," meaning it ultimately comes from the Tao. This time Chia-shan replied in such a way that you could take it as a smirk, with the hidden meaning being, "I know this and you don't? Who are you that you don't know these things?"

With that response, the Boatman monk then uttered a famous line, "A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons."

In other words, if you just cling to scripture, or intellectualization, or the words of this or that holy text without arriving at a genuine experience of the true meaning, if you don't experience the original nature, you will tie yourself up in ignorance (non-enlightenment) for aeons and never become free. Why? Because you cling to the intellect, in which case you are wrong. Words will not save you, scripture will not save you. Only cultivation practice and realization will save you!

How many people follow this pattern today? They quote the Torah and cling to it, all the while being correct in words, but WRONG. They cling to the Bible, reciting verses and sentences correctly, and yet they lack any attainment or any means for getting anywhere. They cling to the Koran, the Buddhist sutras, Taoist works and they are all wrong. They never fathom the meaning of the texts. They never reach enlightenment or samadhi or any genuine stage of attainment. They can talk about things all they want, but these are just intellectuals rather than spiritual leaders, people who know a lot about religious things but cannot lead you to the Tao. This is all you find today in churches, temples, mosques and monasteries. No one has the enlightenment eye, or even an inkling that it exists ... and they are even oblivious on how to get there. "

A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons" -- Master Teh-cheng was saying that Chia-shan was clinging to the dharma and relying on verbal tricks, and that this was stupid. It would get you absolutely nowhere on the path of true spiritual practice and striving and progress. It was just mental games, verbal tricks and memorization. REAL accomplishment comes from the cultivation practice of letting go and detaching from the realm of mentation to get to the substrate underneath it and EVERTHING. "

A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons" ... Chia-shan was stunned at this reply.

Zen master Teh-cheng then said, "The fishing line is hanging down a thousand feet, and the intent is deep in the pond. You're just three inches away from the hook. Why don't you say something?"

He was saying, "You've done so much meditation work your life and are so close you're ready to reach it. Why not say something expressing your original nature?" Chia-shan was standing there, his mind emptied a bit because of the shock, and was just about to say something intellectual again when the Boat monk hit him with his oar and knocked him into the water.

Wham!

Chia-shan had just been ready to open his mouth again and say something that was in the scriptures when the Boat monk knocked the daylights out of him and he flew into the water.

As soon as Chia-shan's head popped up above the water again, the Boat monk once again shouted, "Speak! Speak!" and just as Chia-shan was about to open his mouth again, Wham! ... the Boat monk hit him again.

Now if you've had any sudden taste of emptiness where everything empties out (a religious experience), you can understand what happened next. Here's a man with a belly full of learning and it's all suddenly knocked out of him. He's been thrown into the water, he's worried for his life, and all his false thoughts have been whacked away.

That's the method the Boat monk used with Chia-shan.

Chia-shan could talk about anything in the dharma ... Consciousness only, the three Buddha bodies, skandhas, True Thusness, prajna wisdom, EVERYTHING. He understand all this but couldn't let go of it, so the Boat monk knocked him into the water to help him let go of everything he was clinging to. Even so, when asked to speak, Chia-shan was ready to spit out the dead scriptural words again, so Teh-cheng hit him again. When for the third time his head rose above the water, this time his mind had emptied out and he and become enlightened, so Chia-shan quickly nodded his head three times in quick succession to show Teh-cheng he had got it and he didn't need to be hit again.

Of course you cannot just hit someone to enlighten them. Don't think it's so easy. Chia-shan not only KNEW the dharma intellectually, but had spent his life meditating and had achieved some degree of emptiness, but just couldn't let go of his intellectualizations to see the path, to see the whole thing. He was close because of his previous attainments in meditation, but still clinging. He already had achieved a deep basis of cultivation beyond just studying, because of prolonged meditation work, and that basis is why Tao-wu sent him to the Boat monk. He was prepared....don't think someone can just whack you or slap you and you get it. Without countless years of meditation work, that would just get you a lawsuit today.

Master Teh-cheng was able to transmit the dharma only because Chia-shan had already spent years mixing practice with study. Master Teh-cheng was able, through the expedient means of whacking him, to help Master Chia-shan let go of everything and see the Path, see the Tao, realize self-enlightenment. If Master Chia-shan had not been a meditator, however, none of this would have been possible. So don't think that just studying scriptures and sutras -- of any kind -- will do it. You have to do the meditation work, open up your chi channels, chakras and so forth. You have to cultivate samadhi, but none of that is the Tao. It's just a preparation because those are all still illusory realms and false stations. They are not ultimate or supreme. They are there to help you clear out in a progressive sense, but when you reach enlightenment there are no stages -- you just let go of everything in one fell swoop. That's why it's called breaking through the conception skandha.

Upon being hit with the oar when in the water, Chia-shan GOT IT. His years of preparation and study, together with the Boatman's excellent skillful means, enabled him to let go, empty out and see the Tao. If you know the theory, that's why the story is so beautiful, so wonderful. But then, while still in the water, Chia-shan asked, "If you throw away the hook and line, what is your intent, teacher?"

In other words, Chia-shan then had doubts and asked about functioning. He was asking, "What about the methods for making an effort in the realm of existence if everything is empty... What do you do about them?"

Master Teh-cheng replied, "The fishing line hangs in the water, floating to set the meaning of existence and non-existence." In other words, don't talk of emptiness and don't talk of existence. Neither is right, and thus you don't cling to either and you can do what you want independently. You are free and liberated. Cause and effect still operates amidst phenomena, but you do not cling to them or the process. You realize the inherent fundamental emptiness of phenomena but you do not cling to it either. You are independent and free.

Master Chia-shan then said, "Words carry the mystery but they have no road. The tongue speaks without speaking." In other words, speaking is the same as non-speaking, emptiness and existence are equivalent to one another.

Master Teh-cheng was VERY happy at hearing this because then he knew Chia-shan had got it. He knew that Chia-shan had finally realized the Truth and was speaking from experience rather than from some scripture he had memorized and studied. So Teh-cheng then said, "After having fished through all these rivers [having piloted this ferry day after day for decades wanting to carry someone over to the other side], I have finally encountered a golden carp [enlightened person].

Chia-shan covered his ears at hearing this, and master Teh-shan said in response, "That's right, that's right!"

Then he told Chia-shan, "From now on you must leave no tracks where you hide yourself. But you must not hide yourself where there are no tracks."

He expressed in a high literary style many meanings: that Chia-shan must continually cultivate that state of no-thought/emptiness he had just achieved wherein there are no tracks. Furthermore, he must go somewhere where no one knew who he was, and leave his fame behind, and thus go into hiding in order to finish his cultivation. He also said that Chia-shan must not remain clinging to emptiness either, for that was also wrong.

The Boat monk then continued, "I was with Zen master Yao-shan for 30 years and I only took away this which you have just experienced/realized. Nothing more. You have just attained it. This is the meaning of all the teachings and nothing more. It's nothing else either than experientially realizing this. In the future you should not live in towns or villages but go deep into the mountains, find one or two people to continue the teaching and do not let it be cut off."

Chia-shan was out of the water by this time, and since the dharma had been transmitted, he started off to return home. The whole thing happened just this quickly, the dharma had been passed, and there was nothing more to be done. But for a moment Master Chia-shan doubted that was all and so he turned around, wandering if there was something else he was missing, if it all came to just this?

Upon seeing this, Zen master Teh-cheng shouted back to him, holding up an oar and saying, "Did you think there was something else?" Then he capsized the boat and disappeared under the water to show there was nothing else. You see, if you cling to all the pageantry of Tibetan Buddhism, you are wrong. It's just an expedient method created to help you REALIZE THIS. If you cling to the Torah or Bible, you are wrong. It's just to help you lay a foundation so you can experientially realize this. Nothing in the universe is absolute. The wind, the rocks, the flowers are all singing the dharma to help you awaken.

The meaning of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Sikhism, Taoism, Confucianism, yoga, alchemy and all the religions is to realize our fundamental nature. All the ceremonies, scriptures, prayers, and practices are to enable you to experientially realize THIS. That's the purpose of all the scriptures.

What else did you think it was about? Some ceremony or special belief?

Now you finally know. Cultivate!

Monks offering prayers and beating drums

When u enter the main hall where devotees gather, the first thing you will probably notice is the "stage" where statues of Buddha are placed and a couple of monks would be praying (chanting). Their sweet voices fill the air, setting the prayerful mood for the place.

Sprinkling water onto the statue of Buddha

Little fountains were also set up around the hall where devotees would take turns to sprinkle some water onto a miniature statue of Buddha and offer prayers. I suppose this is quite similar to the Veneration of the cross during Easter celebrations. I also noticed some devotees lighting candles before offering some prayers. I asked my companion what this ritual means and was told that it represents a continuing journey towards enlightenment, whereby the heart was "dark" before and now a light shines inside.

Lighting Candles

Placing the lit candle onto a tower of candles!

Walking on stones through a stream in prayer

So if you ever have a chance to visit Malaysia during Wesak day, be sure to drop by the temples and Chinese halls and you will find a lot to learn!

Imagine you are a young 16 year-old walking through a HUGE field of red flowers. After about 10 steps, you see an extra-large red flower. You are very attracted to it. You bend to pick it, but you find it has thorns. So you give up on the idea.


You continue walking along and come across a cute yellow flower with 3 petals. You bend to pick it. You feel happy holding onto a nice flower. You continue walking and after about a mile, the flower started to smell funny. You ignore the smell, but it gets worse and worse, so eventually you toss it away. Now you are flowerless.


You continue walking and walking and find another flower, this time blue with six petals. You happily pick it up. But after walking a bit, you find that you don't like the colour blue after all. After walking amidst flowers for so long, you have come to decide you prefer white flowers with five petals. So you toss your blue flower away and begin searching for the flower you have in mind.


You walk everywhere, looking left and right. After roughly 20 miles of walking, you finally found the flower that fits your expectation. Happily you pick it up. It even smells great. It is a large flower with 5 perfect petals. You continue your journey across the field of flowers, convinced that you have the right one. As you walk and walk, the flower begins to wilt. But it still looks ok, and you think you may be able to make it back home in time to save it by putting it into a vase. So you begin to run. The hot sun beats down and your flower is wilting faster than you can run. You are so desperate that you try to provide it with some of your saliva to extend its lifespan. Unfortunately, it dried up and shriveled. You continue holding on to it, hoping that it will go back to being the wonderful flower it was. But after walking for another 30miles, you realise that it is futile. What you could have done, you already did, and it didn't stop the flower from wilting. Perhaps it is better to let it go.


Dejected, you placed the dead flower on the ground where you are standing and pick up the closest flower you can find. The flower is reddish, with pink tips on each of the six petals. You continue walking across the huge field, holding the new flower. You walk and walk and walk and as you are making your way to the end of the field, you start thinking about the floweryou just picked. You don't really like red. You don't mind pink. But you are making this journey with this flower because you want to have a flower. It feels wrong. Eventually, after 20 miles of journeying with the red flower, you let it go.


Now you decide that maybe none of the flowers are worth bringing home, or maybe you are just not very good at keeping flowers in your hand. You press on, hoping to eventually get off the field. After another 20 miles of non-stop walking, you take a short break. As you sit there, you notice another white flower with 5 petals nearby. It didn't look anything like the earlier white flower but you like it anyway. You stare at it for a while, and then you pluck it and hold it in your hand. Then you continue along your journey.


The long journey across the field continues, but you found new ways of keeping the flower alive. Your efforts work well with the flower, and it bloomed. When you finally reach the end of the field, you don't really notice.

Two monks had to travel to the nearest town to buy some supplies for their temple. Since their temple was quite secluded, they had left their temple at around four in the morning. They walked slowly to the town, and arrived at 10am. After buying all that was needed for their temple, they started making their way back around 11.

One hour into their journey home, they came across a river. They decided to stop for a while to take a short break. They drank their water and sat down next to the river to rest their tired legs. Just then, a young lady walked towards them. She was a beautiful lady, with fair porcelain-like skin and willowy body. She looked distressed. She wanted to cross the river, but she did not know how to swim! So the elder monk told her to climb onto his back and he will carry her across. She was still apprehensive that the river might sweep her away when they are crossing. So he told her to hold on tight to him.

As they were crossing the river, the second monk, a young chap, looked over at the elder monk. He was aghast to see the young lady holding so tightly to his companion, who also happened to be his superior in the temple. Her body was pressed onto the elder monk’s back and her bosom was pushed up onto the neck of the man. His face was so very close to her bosom! This was unacceptable!!! As monks, they were not supposed to touch women! And here his mentor is practically making love to the young lady!

Just then, they reached to the other side of the river. The elder monk set the young lady onto her feet. She thanked him, and continued along her journey. The two monks went a different direction from her, back to their temple. As they continued their walk back, the younger monk kept thinking about how the lady and the elder monk held on to each other as they crossed the river. The elder monk is such a corrupt monk! He is a lecherous man! All his teachings were tainted, as he couldn’t even keep to the most basic of rules which was to stay away from women!

The more the younger monk thought about it, the angrier he became. He started questioning everything the else monk had been doing up to that moment. He was repulsed by all the words and interaction they have had. He couldn’t imagine going on as a apprentice monk under the supervision of such a man. As they approached the temple gates, he turned to the elder monk and told him that he wanted to change superiors.

The elder monk was very surprised. He had thought they were doing well, and could not understand why the younger monk wanted to change superiors all of the sudden. The younger monk, his face red with anger and embarrassment for the elder monk, told him that he was very improper to carry the young lady that way. It was not right, it was against their teachings, and it showed his weakness and lust for women!

The elder monk looked at his student compassionately. “I had put the young lady down by the river four hours ago,” he said, “But you have carried her until now. What a pity!”

Sebastian was a simple man. Yet he was a happy man. He woke up everyday and sang about the bright and lovely sun, even on a cloudy and rainy day when the sun was hidden behind a thick mass of clouds. He looked outside his window every evening and was happy to see the beautiful world outside, even on days of haze, miserable winters and traffic congestions. He would drive his wife up the wall, for he was just totally oblivious to his immediate surroundings.

Sebestian had a neighbour who disliked him immensely. His neighbour would tell all the others staying at the same block, about how inconsiderate Sebastian was, and how proud he was. "Sebastian always does his own thing without any consideration for anyone else. He is so selfish", he would say, "look, he planted a tree right next to my fence and all the leaves fall onto my lawn. What a nasty guy!". Sometimes he would say "Sebastian had another woman over in his house today, I bet he is cheating on his wife".

But Sebastian never knew about these words, or maybe he did not remember them. For many others had gone up to him either to question him suspiciously, or to inform him kindly to beware of his neighbour. Yet he never seemed to notice, and would happily continue along his way without even noticing his neighbour's angry stare. Perhaps he had a poor memory, or perhaps he was stupid, or perhaps he was very bold, no one really knew for sure. All they knew was that he always said "oh ok!" when they either questioned him or tell him about what was being said about him. And that was that.

One day, his neighbour went over to Sebastian's house and chopped down the tree that was in between the two houses. Sebastian woke up in the morning to see only the tree stump left. His neighbour was sitting calmly in his own front porch, waiting for Sebastian to confront him. He was waiting to tell Sebastian, "You deserve it, you inconsiderate fool. Do you think I want to sweep your stupid leaves everyday from my yard? You asked for your tree to be chopped!" Sebastian ran out from his house to his neighbour's porch and when he was face to face with his neighbour, he said "Thanks so much for chopping down my tree. Now I have more space in my yard. You are very kind!" With that, he shoke his neighbour's hand and sang a little song as he walked back to his house. His neighbour was livid! "Is he trying to be sarcastic? He is deliberately doing this to annoy me, that little rat!" he thought in anger.

So the next day, he went over to Sebastian's house and pulled up all the flowers. Sebastian woke up in the morning to see all the hard work he had put into gardening all lying dead on the broken soil. He paused for a moment, and then went up to his neighbour (who was waiting on the front porch of his house). Sebastian said, "You are so kind to allow me to plant something new in my garden. I had become rather attached to those flowers and would never have been able to get rid of them without your kind help. Now perhaps I can go plant some herbs instead!" And he sang a merry tune as he made his way back to the garden.

His neighbour was even more angry than before. Soon, all the residents of the block knew about how cruel, manipulative and calculative Sebastian was. But Sebastian was oblivious to their angry stares and suspicious glances. He walked happily about his neighbourhood smiling at all who passed him and thought to himself, "what a beautiful world, so full of wonderful people".

At this point, his neighbour had reigned in some support from other fellow neighbours. Together they plotted to splash paint all over Sebastian's house to teach him a lesson. Some wrote "Get out of this place!" or "Move away, we don't want you" or even "Everyone hates you!!" on the exterior walls of his house. When Sebastian woke up in the morning, he found his peach-coloured house splashed with red, green and yellow. He read all the words slowly. And he looked up towards his neighbour. This time, his neighbour was sitting at the front porch with a group of his friends, drinking tea and laughing at the hated Sebastian.

Sebastian waved at them and said "Good morning!! It's really nice to meet you all!" And he smiled happily as he went to the store to get fresh paint. Sebastian spent the rest of the day painting his house a new colour: Ivory. He sang happily and merrily as he did so, and when his neighbour and friends jeered at him, he only waved happily and continued along his way.

That night, Sebastian's wife could not take it anymore. She berated him, "You stupid man, our neighbour is making a fool of you. He has gone around saying all sorts of things about you. You need to go explain yourself to everyone else, otherwise they will mistake you for someone wicked. You need to make them see what a horrid and wicked man our neighbour is! He has done all sort of mischiefs like chopping our wonderful and shady tree, pulling up all our hard-grown flowers and wrote a lot of disgusting things on our walls. That is harrassment and you have to right to sue him!!!"

Sebastian looked at his wife for a long time in silence. He then said, "I don't understand why you say our neighbour is such a wicked man. He is a very nice man. He has helped me so much with the garden and the repainting of our house. He is a kind and loving man. See, he even brought a group of his friends to help cheer me on as I paint." His wife said, "They are not cheering you on, they are jeering at you. Didn't you hear what they said? They said 'paint away, you stupid man! Selfish people have to work harder because they deserve it!'. Can't you see that? Or are you really stupid?" And Sebastian replied, "Isn't that the same as cheering? How kind they are!"

At this point, his wife shook her head and made plans to convince Sebastian to move out of the neighbourhood. She went to bed fretting and angry that all the residents around them hated her husband so much.

His neighbour went to bed thinking what a stupid, calculative, manupulative, wicked and nasty man Sebastian was. He will tell everyone about Sebastian's wicked ways and chase the moron our of his house!

Sebastian went to bed thinking what a beautiful and wonderful world it is that he lived in. People are caring and kind, and so very helpful. Tomorrow the sun will be bright and lovely, and he couldn't wait to see it!

You know, wedding plans are actually very simple if only people would let go of their need to impress others. For instance, who cares if the church is decorated with flowers and ribbons? You are only going to be in there for 1 hour, and your focus should be on God, not on the decor. Who cares about giving wedding favours? If you are there to watch the person wed, isn't that enough? Why do you need some useless stuff as a "souvenir"? As if you are actually going to keep the gift as a "remembrance of So-and-so's wedding". Most likely, the only ppl who would keep anything is the bride and her mother.

And what is the big fuss about the wedding dress? Who cares if it is made of french lace, or a normal white linen cloth, or has intricate beading, or was designed by some international designer? After 6 months, the only thing anyone will remember is the fact that it was white. In fact, ask 10 guys right after the wedding what they thought of the bride's dress and at least 9 of them will say, "isn't it white?" If they can't even notice the details of the dress, would they care to look at your shoes? And your nails? So tell me, why spend $500 on a pair of shoes that no one gives a damn about? And $60 for a manicure that no one (other than your best friend) will notice?

And wait. What is the deal with the dinner banquet? Does it have to be in a 5-star hotel, or top chinese restaurant? Do we even really need a bloody dinner with 200 guests and each person only gets to spend 5 minutes of a 4-hour dinner with the newlyweds? Who cares if the bride changes 3 times? If she's ugly, she will look ugly whatever she wears. If she is pretty, she will look pretty in what she wears. Does she really need to change 3 times? Do i really think she looks any different in a different dress? Why does dinner have to drag on until 12am just so that I can look at the bride and groom from afar?

And wait. There's more. Why do you need to spend literally hundreds and thousands of ringgit on just one day? I think it is purely selfish and that you are just paying to have your egos stroked. Why not spend all that money on something more meaningful like donating to the war victims or something? I think it would be more meaningful to write in your invitation card that there will be no big celebration except for the 1-hour church wedding. However, there will be a large donation made to a charitable organization with all your guests names on it to celebrate the wedding. Wouldn't that be something?

Seriously. I think the commercialism of weddings these days is a disease. Brides rush out to find their dream dress and try to fulfil their dream wedding without even thinking of the marriage itself. So you spend 3 months agonizing over every detail of the wedding day (which will last all of 24 hours) without spending much time agonizing over the lifetime you have to spend with the man. And after 3 months, the wedding day itself will go by very quickly. Within the week, you are just another married couple. Big deal. THat is the truth of weddings.

There are a lot more things to think about than the wedding day. There are the nitty-gritty details of two very different characters that will have to come together and gel as one. For instance, he will have to deal with a grouchy and unreasonable woman who will surface once every month (inadvertedly, it will normally be around her time-of-the-month...but it is a coincidence, really...). She will have to deal with his detachment when he's tired. He will have to deal with her obsessive compulsive tendencies. She will have to deal with his bad breath in the morning. He will have to deal with having to sleep next to someone who always steals the blanket. She will have to deal with his adversion to "have a talk".

Bottomline is, instead of spending so much time with wedding plans, we need to spend more time on marriage plans. We need to draw out our routines and chores, needs and idiosyncrisies, and learn to deal with each other whilst maintaining our individuality. I don't have to change to accommodate you. I just need to accept you and to support you. You don't have to agree that it is fun to spend money on new shoes. You just have to love me enough to shop with me and accept that I love spending my time and money that way (and occasionally stop me when i go nuts and intend to spend RM5,000 on shoes). I don't have to accept that the best way to fix the TV is to kick it. But I can let you kick it and then quietly dial for the TV repair man when you're not at home.

At the end of the day, marriage plans last until death do us part. Marriage plans will continue being planned until death do us part. Wedding plans are too short-sighted. It is nice and good if you want a have a big wedding. But think again. What's the use of having a huge celebration when your marriage might only last 2 years? Or worse, you may end up living in misery until your spouse dies. What's the meaning of such a celebration? I rather wait until I am married for 40 years before having a big wedding celebration. That way, i know what I am really celebrating.

She was lonely again. As always, he left for work without so much as a glance at her. It never used to be this way. He had always looked at her so lovingly. But now, he does not even notice her anymore. She felt so invisible. She asked herself this morning as she had asked so many times before, 'Why do I continue to stay in this house?'. Yet she always remained where she was, never moving out and never even able to tell him how she felt.

They had met in Paris, on a bright summer day four years ago. It was love at first sight...for him anyway. She actually didn't think much of him when they first met. He had walked into the art gallery and although there were many others who were equally as beautiful as her, he noticed her right away. She could still remember how his eyes had swept all over the room before settling down on her. Once he had noticed her, he never took his eyes off her. He had walked purposefully over to her and within the hour, brought her back to his hotel. She had many suitors before, but no one had enough to offer to capture her. Oh, he had all the right qualities, he was extremely wealthy, intelligent, handsome and suave.

Back at his hotel, he had spent the rest of the day just looking at her and telling her how magnificent and beautiful she was. He had been so gentle and careful when he touched her, but most of the time, he was contented just looking at her. He did not even consent to leave her side throughout the rest of the day. He was so in love with her. And so she had left Paris for New York with him the very next day.

Back in New York, he had introduced her to all his friends and co-workers. She met his entire family within the first month. His mother thought she was lovely, although her experience with his father was not quite so pleasant. It appeared that his father did not approve of her, and felt that she was far too extravagant for his son. It bothered her a little at first, but since he took little interest in anything his father said, she felt more reassured.

He was a popular and influential man. He held many cocktail parties in his apartment, and she had met the Senator, the Secretary of State and even the Vice-President over a glass of champagne. All of them marvelled at her beauty and praised her lavishly. She always felt beautiful, always at the center of attraction whenever he held one of his parties. In fact, she looked forward to them.

But a year ago, all that changed. She had been shunned to the guest room. He no longer looked at her with love and appreciation. He no longer even noticed her. He had never once entered her room, much less spent any time with her at all. The only person she saw on a regular basis is the maid. Recently, he only returned to their apartment once or twice a week. She suspected that he may have another mistress some place else and is spending more time there.

There were fewer cocktail parties now. The last function they had was 2 months ago, when he threw a birthday party for his seventeen year-old sister. She was not even invited to attend the party. She was only able to enjoy the it from listening to the music, laughter, buzz of conversation and sounds of glasses clinking while she waited quietly in her room. He did not even come in to see her after the party had ended.

It was now evening. She wondered if he would be coming home. She wanted to know him if he still loved her or if there was someone else, but the words just refused to come out. She heard the front door open. She waited, excitedly, for him to come into her room. She heard his familiar footsteps. So often she had listened out for him, only to hear his footsteps lead away from her towards the Master bedroom across the hall. But today, he seemed to be walking closer and closer to her door. She could hear another set of footsteps, it sounded an awful lot like high-heel stilettoes. Good God, was he going to throw her out in favour of another woman?

The door opened. A burst of light entered her unlit room. He fumbled at the light switch, eventually finding it and flicking it on. The room was suddenly flooded with light, blinding her. "You may stay here for the night," she heard him say. "There is an attached bathroom you can use to clean up."

"Thanks bro," she heard his sister say, as she slowly adjusted to the light. She watched as his sister placed a bright pink luggage on the floor next to the bed. His sister turned to look at her. Then she heard his sister say, "Wow it has been a long time since I last saw this painting. I had wondered what you did with it." He turned and looked at her for the first time in one entire year and said, "Well, I bought a new painting, so I relocated this one to the guest room. Anyway, get some sleep. I'll call to tell Mom you're spending the night here. You should probably try to sort out your differences with her tomorrow."

His sister made a face at him and said ,"Whatever." He left the room. His sister washed up, took a shower and went to bed. And she was left hanging on the wall above the bed, wishing she could say goodnight.

This was written a few months ago when I had made the decision to walk away from HIM. However, after much soul-searching, I have finally accepted his love, and now everything's working out just wonderfully :D

But reading this again today, I realised how much I actually love this man. I have never written poetry that didn't rhyme before. This is the very first time i just sat there and let my thoughts flow without rhyme or reason. Walking away from him was certainly much harder than I ever anticipated. I ended up walking one huge circle, right back to him.

* * * *

How do I go on
*************
How do I go on without your smile
How do I go on without your kiss
How do I live with this pain in my soul
To remember you and all that you are
I close my eyes and there you are
Your smell, your touch, the softness of your skin
Your gentle lips, your taste, your warmth
Your body against mine, your arms around me
The tenderness in your eyes
The strength in your arms when you hold me close
The way you kiss
The way you laugh just before you bury your head
In the hollow of my neck
How do I go on without you?
How do I go on without your love?
How do I go on without you?

If you haven't read the previous parts, please read
http://melooi.blogspot.com/2006/08/princess-and-turtle.html
and
http://melooi.blogspot.com/2006/09/news-update-frog-prince-and-princess.html
before proceeding with this entry.

* * * *
The Frog Prince has had enough! With so many servants, the princess still wanted him to hunt down turtles. She claims that he was better at turtle-hunting and bbq-ing than anyone else. He certainly did not agree with such audacious claims, but there was nothing he could do, for she could scream, shriek and nag like nothing he had ever experienced before.

He could not escape the castle, so he hatched a new plan. Everyday, he went down to the pond where the turtles hid and told them about the beautiful and noble princess. He told all the turtles that the princess was kind, gentle and loving and that it was indeed an honour to be given the opportunity to die for the princess.

The naive turtles began to believe him, and every fortnight when the bonfire was lit, a turtle would gladly sacrifice his life for the princess. After 6 months, the turtles learnt to crawl to the fire themselves and to throw themselves in. Hence, every fortnight, one turtle would jump into the fire for the princess. It would truly believe that it was doing a noble deed for the kind princess.

When the princess found out the deeds of the turtles, she was delighted. She found it extraordinarily amusing that the turtle would so happily die for her pleasure. She dismissed the Frog Prince and told him he was now redundant.

The Frog Prince could not pack his things fast enough. Within the same hour of his dismissal, he left the castle in a great hurry before the princess could change her mind!

(Please stay tuned for more updates on the Frog Prince)

The mice were scared and angry. The cats had struck again last week, this time, killing 20 of their clan in 10 minutes. The memory of the blood and gore made it impossible to sleep without waking up every few minutes. This massacre, although not new, was certainly the worse one they had in recent years.

A strong and young mouse called Strand stood up with the rest of his kind and said: "Mice of all sizes and ages, we must unite! We must fight for a better future. We cannot go on like this, being food to the cats. Although our ancestors have lived this way for centuries and although our elders tell us this is the law of nature, I REJECT THIS NOTION! We must progress. If the cats are causing us to live in fear, THEN WE MUST KILL THE CAT!"

All the young mice starting chanting "KILL THE CAT! KILL THE CAT!"

And in the decade that followed, the mice started planning and scheming the many ways to kill cats. 2 years after Strand first suggested killing cats, they learnt to start fires. 2 years after that, they learnt to walk quietly to the cats and light their tails on fire. 2 years after that the mice learnt that gasoline will spread the fire even faster. And 4 years after that all the cats were dead.

The mice rejoiced! Their oppressors were finally gone! And without their natural predators, their population grew and grew and grew. The virile males were mating at fervent speed and in the next year, the population of mice tripled!

Meanwhile, the dogs were getting hungry. With their food source gone, they had suffered a great deal. When there appeared to be more mice, the dogs realised that they need not starve anymore. Here was a new source of food for them! In the same year, they learnt to appreciate the taste of mice and began to gobble them up.

Dogs eat more than cats. MUCH more. And so the number of mice started to dwindle after 2 years of being hunted by dogs. By this time, the mice had suffered so much that they could not hold back their sorrow. It was even worse than in the time of cats, for at least the cats did not hunt in huge packs like the dogs. Massacres of hundreds of mice became a norm, and poor Strand died in heart break.

But another young mouse named Brunt stood up on his hind legs are shouted, "Mice of all age and sizes, we must unite! As we had once rind the cats, NOW WE MUST RID THE DOGS!" All the young mice followed, and stood on their hind legs and shouted, "RID THE DOGS! RID THE DOGS!"

They first tried setting the dogs tails on fire, but they quickly found that it was impossible to do so. Dogs travelled in packs, and it was not possible to quietly light their tails on fire without the rest of the pack killing the attack group. So for the first 2 years, the mice learnt to make nets. The next 2 years, they learnt how to make STRONG nets. And the following 2 years they learnt how to make BIG nets.

Finally they were ready to war with the dogs. They began trapping the dogs using the nets and then setting the whole pack on fire using gasoline. After 4 years, there were no more dogs left.

Once again the mice rejoiced! They were rid of their oppressors! They can now like free and do anything they want! That year, the males were so elated that they mated more fervently than ever before. The population of mice increased tenfold.

However, the lions who were feeding on the dogs began to starve. With the dogs slowly disappearing into extinction, they had nothing much to eat and had suffered tremendously that year. They just could not live on grass and grain. When the massive crowd of mice began to run about the fields to play, the hungry lions could not help themselves but devour all the mice they saw.

Lions eat more than dogs. MUCH more. And so once again, the population of mice decreased rapidly. Massacres of thousands at a time became a normal occurence. The living conditions for the mice were worse than when they were hunted by dogs. Poor Brunt lived to see all that was happening and died in misery and regret.

But no fear, Trevor is here! Trevor, a muscular and bright young mouse gathered what was left of the mice and told them, "This is a horrible way to live. If we are to die to lions, let us die with pride! Let us bring them down as we die! LET US SLAY THE LIONS!"

And so the new war cry of the mice became "SLAY THE LIONS! SLAY THE LIONS". Trevor divided the group of mice to 2 - the research team and the kamekaze squad. The kamekaze squad were trained to creep quietly up to the lions, while the research team began to study microorganisms. And 2 years quickly passed this way.

The next 2 years, the research team learn to cultivate poisonous bacteria while the kamekaze squad studied religion and psychology to prep themselves for their task ahead. The research team then injected the bacteria to the mice in the kamekaze squad, who then crept up to the lions to be devoured.

The lions who devoured the infected bacteria began to die. It was a slow death, but an effective one. In the next 10 years, the number of lions reduced by tenfold and after the following decade there were no more lions left.

The mice, who had been suffering for over 20 years at the paws of the lions finally saw the last lion die. Their numbers had been reduced to only 200 mice at the end of their ordeal. But without the lions hunting them down, they could finally live in peace again.

The happy mice mated and mated and mated, ate and ate and ate and once again thousands of mice walked the land. They were free to do whatever they wanted!!! How great it was! When Trevor finally died, he died a very happy mouse, knowing that he had done his fellow mice a great favour.

However, one day after 50 years of freedom, the young mice started to report of new massacres. Humans, who had lived for 50 years without eating meat were now hungry for the taste of animal meat. They had learnt to enjoy eating barbequed mice and now, mice hunting was a sport.

Humans ate more than lions. MUCH more. Especially the young growing males. Massacres of TENS of THOUSANDS of mice became a normal occurence. A young mouse named Henry shouted for unity among the mice. He organized a meeting and told the mice, "Mice of all age and sizes, we need to unite! We are once again under oppresion. We must stand united and SLAUGHTER THE HUMANS!"

All the other young mice began shouting, "SLAUGHTER THE HUMANS! SLAUGHTER THE HUMANS!" when suddenly they were all trapped! Humans had hunted them down to their meeting place and all of them, including Henry, became hamburgers that day.

And so after 10 years, there were no more mice left.






If only they had learnt to live with the cats.....

Finally graduated from my second degree!

I had a dream a few weeks ago. I dreamt i died.



I was walking amidst my love ones, and they could not see me. I was looking for Ye Chow, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I wanted to say goodbye.



I saw my cousin. And strangely enough, even though no one else could see me, he could. He was not afraid of me. Instead, he talked to me for a while in a rectangular garden. Finally, Ye Chow came and I managed to see him. I went to him and he could also see me. We were sad, and we said our goodbyes but my cousin stopped me from leaving. He said to me, "Since you and Ye Chow can still see each other and speak to each other, why don't you stay on Earth with him until it is time for him to go? That way you can always be together and you don't have to wait."



I then told my cousin:



"Time is an illusion that only exists in this Earth.



I turned to Ye Chow and said:



"I will wait for you. When it is your time, I will be there. You will know it is me when you see me."



Somehow, in my mind, I knew that I would not have the same form. Yet whatever form I would take, I knew that he would recognize me when we meet even thought we will look nothing like what we do now. Time is neither long nor short, fast nor slow. It is just a boundary that will no longer exist when we are no longer bounded to this earth.



After that, I said goodbye and faded into the light.



I woke up some time later.



It was indeed a very strange dream.

* * * *



I had another strange dream a couple of nights after that. I dream Ye Chow died.



I dreamt that I was now with another man, my ex, and we were getting married (in my case, I was re-marrying). His parents and brother questioned me, and was wondering if I was ready to move on. His brother's words went something like this: "What if you still love Ye Chow and can't let go?"



I said to them:



"There is nothing to let go. He may be gone, but he lives in me. Not in memory, not in my heart, but in me. I am who I am, because of who he was. The person you see before you today is a consequence of the person Ye Chow was. He speaks in my voice when I am speaking, and I see him in myself in everyday situations. You do not let go of love and memories in order to move on. If you try, you will always be running around with your shadow chasing you, never really letting go of the past and never really moving on. Instead, I accept it, and allow it to be absorbed into my life. And then I move on.



I will always love him, even though I am with someone else. I don't see the conflict. For whoever who loves me today, indirectly loves him. And whoever I can love, is indirectly the person Ye Chow would also be able to love. The idea of "Two" does not exist anymore. He has already left this world. Why do you subject him to the same rules and boundaries as those of us who are still living on this Earth? It no longer applies to him."

* * * *



For some strange reason, this thought stayed with me until I woke up. And for some strange reason, it was like logic to me, or it seemed like I was merely stating facts when I was speaking to others in my dreams. The "facts" of the two above dreams stayed in my mind for a long time after. I have not have dreams since then.

This post was taken and modified from my friend's blog. I found his reflection so profound and touching that I just had to re-port it. Enjoy.
*******************************

Last night I had a vision. I saw Mars in the sky with the constellations.

To an uninitiated caveman, the Mars is indeed very close to the rest of the stars in the clear night sky. So....high up. But the truth is (still is at the time of publishing) that the Earth is closer to that planet (Mars). We are so close to the it until we cannot recognize it and give it a different name.

High and low, far and near are all trickeries of restless mind. The more restless the mind, the more differentiation it sees from the world. Therefore I believe that the heaven is a very flat place. The heavenly ground is paved by unbreakable crystals with infinite smoothness. The roads in the heaven are all broad and straight. No pretense and all very accommodating. I want to go on to plant six kind of trees and flowers by the road side so that birds can sing on it, but I need to get back to work ...........




...........may be next time.

It had 2 years since that fateful kiss that transformed the frog prince into a man. It should have been a joyous occasion. Yet for the past two years, he had been nothing more than a manservant who had to hunt for turtles every morning and barbequed them every noon for the Princess’s lunch. Many a time he had wanted to run away, or even to look for the witch who had first turned him into a frog so that he could return to the life of a care-free frog. Yet he was still there, in that castle, with the turtle-loving Princess.

Yes, he was pretty much stuck there. There were guards and soldiers everywhere, all over the castle and its compound. There was no escape at all. He had no choice but to continue being the Frog Prince and Turtle Killer.

Perhaps he could try persuading the Princess to stop eating turtles…

(Stay tuned for more updates on the Frog Prince)

Ok, I have received this "spreading of HIV through needles left on cinema seats and gas pumps" on numerous occasions from well-meaning friends who forwarded emails such as this to me.

THIS IS A HOAX. Repeat: THIS IS A HOAX!

1. There really only one report of someone getting pricked by a needle. It was from the coin slot at the pay-phone. BUT the needle was used for INSULIN injections.

2. If you happen to be pricked by a needle that had been contaminated by HIV-positive blood, the chances of you contracting it is 0.3 - 0.45%. It isn't even 0.5%. UNLESS the needle was poked all the way into your major artery or vein, it will stay as below 0.5%. So the statistics that they gave you in the emails (8 of 17 ppl contracted the disease) is highly inaccurate.

3. Someone pricking you with a needle on your neck while you watch a movie is still highly unlikely to spread the disease to you. Unless of course, he is spreading Hepatitis (which is much easier to contract than HIV). I doubt you are stupid enough to sit there and let the person penetrate the needle into your vein. Most likely the moment it penetrates the first layer of your skin, you would yelp and beat the crap out of the person. REMEMBER - less than 0.5% chance!

So if you get pricked by a random needle, go see a doctor. If you are scared that you may get HIV, ask them to put you on zidovudine (AZT) or lamivudine (3TC), which will lower the chance of you getting HIV by 79% more.

LET's calculate!
The chance of you being stupid enough to continue poking the needle through the first layer of your skin (where your nerves are, so you will feel pain from the prick instantly) all the way into your major vein or artery is zero (I assume you are all smart ppl). So the chances of you getting HIV from a pin-prick (after which I assume you will go ask your doctor for AZT) is 21%(after AZT) out of 0.5% (pin-prick), which is 0.105%.

I also keep getting this email:
Someone wearing contacts in the sauna had his/her contact lense melt in the eyes and was blinded. Also someone cooking over the stove had his/her contact lens melt due to the steam. And went blind.

HOAX HOAX HOAX. The melting point of the plastic used to make your contact lenses isn't that low. If it can melt in your eyes, chances are the temperature is so high that your own skin would have already disintegrated and you would be on your way to heaven.

Still don't believe me? With intense heat, your eyes would naturally close and your hands would likely cover your face. In order for your contacts to melt, the temperature has to be high enough to meet the melting point of the lens. This temperature is enough to disintegrate the skin of your eyelids. So it is unlikely that the person was perfectly fine, but went blind because the contacts melted. His WHOLE FACE would be gone also. At that point, he might rather be blind than to have to look into the mirror.

So the chance of your contacts melting in your eyes = ZERO (assuming you have nerves that are functioning - if they aren't you have a bigger problem than melting contact lenses....)

She was now almost at the village gates. She could hear the voices of the villagers coming from a distance. Everyone was waiting for her. The young girl despaired. What was she going to tell them? What would her mother say? Should she tell them about the dead flower? Would she have to shave her hair off when she got to the convent?

The horror of having to shave off her long black hair made her stop in her tracks. Suddenly she felt short of breath. Her head began to pound as she slumped down at the side of the village gates, wondering what to do. It was then that she noticed it.

Something was stuck to the bottom of her shoe. She took her shoe off for the first time in 3 days. And there, at the bottom of her shoe was a tiny, discreet flower that was ivory in colour. Now she understood why her shoe had felt so uneven throughout the entire journey. She had thought it was odd that her shoes felt uncomfortable, and had dismissed it as just slightly torn when she first started hiking up the mountain. Now it is clear that it wasn’t because her shoe was spoilt; it was because there was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe! And although she had trekked all over the mountain, climbed a cliff, swam in the waterfall and walked all the way back to the village, the flower had not died. It was still very much alive, a resilient little thing, and it still emitted the strange fragrance of its own. It smelt very much like the air after a heavy rainfall. She put it closer to her nose and smelt it again. It was indeed a very special fragrance.

She took a closer look at the flower. It looked very normal; it was just a very simple flower with a pale yellow center and tiny ivory petals. Yet it managed to stay alive throughout all the stomping, throughout all the rock climbing and throughout all the water diving. Its resilience for life touched the young girl’s heart.

She carefully carried the flower in her hand and took it into the village. This was a flower, surely, that could save her from life in the Convent. As she approached the villagers, they were excited. The most excited one was her mother, whose voice can be heard from all ends of the village. When she showed them the little ivory flower, the villagers could not believe that any girl would bring back something so simple, particularly this young girl for she was strong, intelligent and beautiful. Her mother could not hide her disappointment, and stopped talking to the girl at all. The only person who was accepting of her choice was her father. But she was saved, she did not have to go to the convent, and that was enough for her. She planted her little flower alongside her mother’s daisies and tended to it earnestly.

In the months that followed, the weather became very dry. Summer that year was a harsh one, all the rivers and lakes dried up and many plants died. The men could no longer work in the fields for their crops were either dead or dying. They could survive only through the sale of their livestock.

All the flowers in the village, and the nearby villages, slowly began to wither and die. All except one.

The young girl’s flower bush remained well and alive despite the lack of water. In fact, it continued flowering through the driest of months. It still emitted the fragrance of the air after rainfall. The fragrance became more and more seductive as the land dried up and the skies remained cloudless. Many people flocked to her village from all parts of the kingdom to buy her flowers. She sold some, and gave many more away, for she wanted to make everyone happy and hopeful for rain. Her village soon became known as the Village of Hope.

Eventually the rain did fall and after many more months, flowers grew again. But because all the flowers in the kingdom had died during the dry spell, the flower-hunting and cultivating tradition had to be stopped. Women were since allowed to make money doing other chores, such as selling handicraft or catering and some even opened bakeries. They had no more time to tend to flowers.

But the young girl continued to take care of her flowers. Her flowers were planted all over the Village of Hope and she tended to every one of the flower bushes.

As days turn to years and she became old, she would tell her grandchildren that she had once come so close to becoming a princess and showing off the most beautiful flower in the world that she got from the bottom of the lake. She told them of the beautiful petals and sweet fragrance of the flower.

And then she would go on to show them the flowers in her garden. She gently spoke to them:

“This may not be the most beautiful flower in the world. But beauty will fade and die away, and a sweet fragrance is just like another perfume you can buy off the street. This flower, on the other hand, will go through the hardest of times with you, and emits the smell of life even during the harshest of seasons. When you grow up in future, remember these words and you will be find all the happiness in your lives.”

THE END.

It was now nearly 3 in the afternoon. The young girl had just rested for 20 minutes. ‘I will try again’, she thought, ‘and if I fail, I will return with the orchid’. She took the deepest breath she could possibly take and dove, straight as a bullet, into the center of the lake. As her eyes fixed on the flower at the bottom, she began kicking her legs fiercely, propelling her body towards the plant. Her lungs began to hurt, but she had just only passed the halfway mark. She pushed further and her lungs hurt even more. ‘Just a little bit more, just a little bit more’ she told herself repeatedly.

‘Just a little bit more…’ as her hand reached out for the flower. She was now very dizzy, and her lungs felt as though they were on fire. Her chest felt like it was exploding!

‘Just a little…..’ and she passed out. Her body slowly floated to the surface.

Lucky for her, she was faced up when she reached the surface. She had floated there for almost an hour before she regained consciousness.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, “I have to get back to the village!”

She swam to the bank of the waterfall. She climbed up the bank and instantly remembered the flower at the bottom of the lake. Feeling sad that she had failed, she looked back sadly at the lake.

At the other end of the lake, a red flower floated. It wasn’t…..it was…IT WAS the flower! She had succeeded in pulling the flower up! Even though she had passed out and almost drowned in the process she did manage to get the flower in the end!!! Shaking with excitement, the young girl dove back into the lake and swam unsteadily towards the flower. When she finally reached the flower, she took a long look at it. It was indeed red, with light spots of rosy pink. It was a large flower, almost as large as her arm’s length and smelt as sweet as the first day of spring. What a beauty!

She swam back to her bag and replaced the orchid with the new flower. She was so happy that she ran all the way back to her village! All the way back, she could not stop envisioning the villagers’ expressions when they saw her flower. She started to wonder which of the princes would marry her. She would be a princess! Would her dress be satin? Would it be silk? And she would carry a beautiful scepter made of gold, diamonds and gems! Her life would never be empty again!!

She was almost at her village when she felt the urge to look at her flower again. When she opened her bag, her eyes became very large and her jaw dropped. The beautiful flower was no longer red! Once bright red petals were now brown, and the sweet smell it emitted was now the smell of rotten eggs! What had happened?

Minutes passed by as the sun began to set. The young girl just sat staring at the once-beautiful flower. She had already thrown away the orchid. The beautiful flower from the bottom of the lake was dead. She was now flowerless. Even if she were to find another flower from just anywhere, she would not make it back to the village in time. The rancid smell of the flower filled the air. It was hard for her to imagine how a sweet smell could turn into something so awful in just moments after its death. Although it was the most beautiful flower when it was alive, it was certainly one of the ugliest when dead. And it died so easily too!

She slowly got to her feet and picked up her empty bag. Dejected, she slowly made her way back to the village and acceptance of her future life in the convent and the Sisterhood began slowly seeping into her heart.

(To be continued…)

The young girl spent the first two days searching for the most beautiful flower in the world. She worked very hard, climbing into the hard to reach places.

On Sunday evening, she cut herself very badly against the rocks of a cliff to get to a small landing in the middle of the cliff itself. There she found a very lovely and rare orchid that she knew was worth even more than the peach-coloured rose bush. She happily dug out the orchid plant and put it carefully into her bag. But she did not return to the village yet.

‘Wait’, she thought to herself, ‘I still have time. I may just find the most beautiful flower in the world if I work a little harder’.

So she made her way down the cliff and spent the night sleeping on a branch of a tree. Early the next morning, she woke up and ate a little bread to replenish her strength. She explored more of the land without finding anything new that could match the orchid she currently had inside her bag. As day became noon, she chanced upon a waterfall. She jumped in, happy to bathe and cool off from all her efforts hunting. As she swam to the middle of the waterfall, she could barely make out an outline of a flower at the bottom of the lake. It looked like an unknown species of flower.

‘Wow, that looks even more rare than my orchid!’ She thought excitedly. She took a deep breath, held it and dove into the lake. But she was not even halfway down when she ran short of breath and had to return to the surface. The lake was much deeper than she expected! Undaunted, she tried again, and this time she managed to go a little deeper. But she was still very far from the flower when she had to return to the surface again.

Again and again, the young girl tried. Each time she got a little closer, but each time she was more tired. She had to rest longer in between her tries to catch her breath. After 4 hours of diving, she finally gave up and walked away. But she could not stop thinking about the flower, for as she had drawn closer to the flower, she could see that the flower was indeed very beautiful. It was red in colour, and was about an arm’s length. It COULD just be the flower her mother had told her about. It could actually be the most beautiful flower in the world!!!

She ran back to the waterfall. ‘I will try again and again until I get that flower, even if I have to drown in the process!’ She thought persistently. And so she spent the entire evening and night diving for the flower.

Tuesday morning came, and she was still trying. She had not slept all night, but she did not want to stop. She knew she had to start making her way home soon, or she might not make it back in time. Her mother would be very disappointed in her if she finally would have to join the convent and the Sisterhood.

(To be continued…)

Yeah I am dumb..no idea how to post up a picture for my profile, so this step was recommended by blogger...haha....

Little pink kitty ears here! I LOVE PINK!!!

For as long as she could remember, the little girl’s mother had always told her to find a better flower bush than the one that was currently growing outside their front yard. Her mother had found a fairly common species of daisy. Even though the daisies she sold every morning brought quite a respectable sum of money, she was still unhappy. She spent most of her life wistfully wishing she had more time to find something better. “Perhaps I should have gone North of the village, or perhaps hike up the mountain”, she would say.

The strange thing was that the little girl’s father would take care of most of the household expenditure despite it being the woman’s responsibility. He neither smoked tobacco, nor drank at the taverns hence he always had extra silver to bring home unlike most other men in the village who like to spend everything they earn from working in the fields on getting themselves ridiculously drunk at night. The little girl’s mother would always have enough for new clothes and accessories. Yet in comparison with her best friend, she had little, for her best friend had very fortunately found a rare peach-coloured rose bush that fetched quite a tidy sum of money every week.

Anyhow, the girl’s mother got more and more excited as the time for her daughter to venture out for three days in search of a flower drew closer. She seemed to think that her daughter’s success in finding a flower would mean that she would get more spending money. The young girl felt a lot of pressure and anxiety and fear that she may not be able to find something that would please her mother.

Again and again, her mother told her how capable she was at finding the most beautiful flower in the world. “I have such high hopes for you”, her mother told her everyday. “You will be the first village girl to become a princess!”

On a bright Sunday morning, the village celebrated her venturing out. She was to return before the sun went down on Tuesday. In her bag, she had packed some bread and drinking water. The young girl said her goodbyes and turned to walk away. As she left her village, she could her mother cry out, “Go to the mountains! Get the most beautiful flower in the world!! Make me proud!”

And so up the mountain she went.
(To be continued…)

Reflections on the past always reveal who we are. When we reflect, we somehow have a tendency of looking back on the bad stuff in our lives and highlighting them. I have heard so many complaints from friends throughout my life. They tell me about their families, the lack of love they were receiving, the lack of understanding and bond, as well as comments on how their siblings were better loved and cared for. The eldest child always felt as if they were picked upon, they had more responsibilities and their younger siblisngs are spoilt and more loved. The middle child always felt neglected. And the youngest child always felt judged, or that they had to measure up or was looked down upon.



All the above are very trivial when you look back on it. We always swear that we would never inflict what had happened to us on our children. We always think we would be better parents. Yet I feel a sense of deep compassion and sympathy for such thoughts, for if we have such a reflection, we had not grown from our experiences.



We reflect and feel sad and lonely for all the pain we went through. But we have reflected on the wrong things. We only perceived how others made us feel. If we look deeper, there is something in us that causes the pain, anger, sadness and utter loneliness. It is our inabilities, our fallicies as selfish humans. Yes, it is selfishness. It is the need to put ourselves the centre of our universe whether or not we realise it. We feel neglected because we expect to get loving attention. We hurt because we expect to have equal or better treatment than our siblings. We are angry because our expectations are not met, or exceeded.



Nothing is free. A wise man once said that there is no such thing as a free lunch. When you get more attention and coddling, chances are you also get less freedom because you always have attention on you. You want to break free of your siblings' shadows but it is never easy. When you are given more responsibilties and forced to grow up faster, you may get less attention and coddling. But what you get in return is trust, freedom to make decisions and freedom to find yourselves. Yet we want it all. We want freedom and we want attention. We want love and trust, but we also want to push our parents and families away when it suits us to do so.



Sound familiar? Not true, we argue. We had it worse, no one understands what we went through. Perhaps no one understands. Perhaps it is because we were not starving to death, a victim of abuse or dying of a disease that no one is paying any attention, or sympathy or coming up with a cure for the void we feel in our lives. But there IS a cure.



Prayer. My strongest prayer, I feel, is when I run out of words. I just sit there and feel. I feel the world around me, I hear the world around me and with my eyes shut, I know the world around me also. If i concentrate hard enough, I begin to feel the emotions of the world around me. So much eagerness. So many people searching for something. So much sadness. Yet I feel the thoroughness of God and His compassion. When I pray with peace in my heart, I am closer to Him than all the times I pray with a sense of urgency in my heart. It is those times I let go of myself.



Those times, I understand why we need to praise God. It isn't about asking God for kindness and blessings. It isn't even about telling God about pain or happiness, greatness and smallness. It is about remembering how small, how little, and how humble we are. It is about realising how mighty, large and absolute God is. As I am overwhelmed by the "Bigness" of God, and I realise that all this pain and sadness means nothing. It is not about me. When I let go of Self, I let go of the pain. When I let go of my importance to myself, I let go of the anger inside of me. I am unimportant. I am humbled.



There is no more need to prove myself. No more need to compare with others. There is no more need to be loved "more". There is no more need for career success, branded shoes or bags, designer clothes and expensive cars to show one's self-worth. There is no more pain.



All that exists in the path of happiness and fulfillment is to be. To simply just be. That is all. I do hope you can understand the meaning of these words

Since she was five, her mother had told her the story of the most beautiful flower in the world. It is a big flower, of about an arm’s length. It has petals of a lovely shade of red that faded slowly into a rosy pink colour at the tips. It fills the air with a strong sweet smell and was a precious, rare flower that many would sought after. If you find one, you can sell it for 3 sacks of gold!

Find the flower, her mother always told her, and you will be happy for the rest of your life.

In fact, the flower is so rare, so exquisite and so beautiful that if you found one, you could present it to the castle and may actually be accepted by one of the princes! What a wonderful fairytale ending it would be for a young village girl to become a princess!!

The little girl grew up looking forward to the day she would be old enough to go hunting for her very own flower. ‘I would be a princess someday’, she thought.

Now it is the tradition in their village (and the all the nearby villages in the kingdom) that after a certain age, young girls must venture out for a maximum period of three days and find one flower to bring home and plant in their front yard. It was said to signify the coming of age. After the flower had been planted, the girl would be ready for marriage. The flowers that would henceforth bloom from the original plant can be sold in markets and the money would be the girl’s spending money. Women were not allowed to ask their husbands for any additional money for household expenditure!

If the girl was not home after a period of three days, when she returned she was to report to the nearest convent and become a nun. Her life would be a life of charity and penance. Although there are some girls who would voluntarily enter the convent, there was always shortage of nuns to do charitable works such as feeding the hungry and providing shelter to the homeless. Without the girls who could not meet the flower-hunting dateline, the convent’s Sisterhood would be in grave danger of extinction. The Sisterhood is an important part of their society as they are viewed upon as the life support of the kingdom, especially during times of war, draught and floods.

This flower-hunting and cultivation tradition is said to be aimed at grooming young girls to be responsible adults since they had to take care of the flowers in their front yard for the rest of their lives. If the flower-plant should die, the woman would be destitute and her husband had a right to divorce her (since she would no longer be able to care for the household expenditures).

(To be continued…)