Turtle Channel!!!

Ok, there have been loads of stuff off the internet on how to save money. But their tips include: stop drinking Starbucks, or go shopping only once a week using cash instead of credit card. Honestly, those tips are for those people who are already pretty well-off but just overspending. What about those who are already broke and need to save more money for college tuition fees and stuff like that? People who can't even afford to pay for Kopi-O in the mamak, much less Starbucks in the first place?

Here’s what you do:
Firstly, stop going to mamak with your friends so often. That Teh Ais might only cost RM1.40, but if you go 5 days in a week, after a month you will be spending RM28. That’s a lot of money for someone who is already broke. Besides, RM28 can buy you the new box of underwear that you seriously need (not safe for your reproduction orgrans to go hanging about near the zips of your jeans, I tell you). However, by not going for outings you may end up losing friends, so it may be a better idea to still go to mamak, but bring your own bottle of water (not mineral water, but boiled water that you pour into your recycled mineral water bottle). Mamaks are usually quite tolerant of people bringing in bottle water.

The second thing you need to do is stop buying lunch at the hawker. Go shop in Giant or the Pasar Pagi (morning market) and buy some eggs, tofu and vegetables. Those are pretty cheap. Cook your own food and tah pao (pack it) to your college or work place. This will save you something like RM2 a day. After a month, you would have saved RM40. If you feel shy about eating that, why not pack sandwiches instead? 4 slices of bread and some tuna spread, you can eat this with your friends in the food court. Maybe once a week, you can treat yourself to a char kuey teow. Oh yar, and never buy drinks. Just pack your mineral water bottle. Eh, you think RM40 so easy to earn ar? RM40 can easily pay for your handphone bill OK.

Another thing to save money is to spend less on consumables. Let's face it, tissue paper is expensive. Cloth is reusable and washable. Use a face cloth to wipe your face after washing instead of tissue. Use a hand cloth to wipe your hands after washing. You will save loads on buying tissue paper. Also, the dish washing liquid is pretty much the same, whether you buy an expensive brand or the Giant/Tesco brand. If it offends you to look at the cheapo brand in your house, buy a nice washing liquid dispenser for your kitchen and fill it up with the cheapo brand. No one will know the difference and your dishes will still stay clean. You can do the same for hand washing liquid.

Let your friends know you are broke, and if they choose an expensive restaurant to eat it, you will only be ordering water. Some friends take it for granted that expensive places to eat is actually cheap. They think the food outlets in shopping complexes are very cheap what. Only RM9.90 for a bowl of noodles. If you don’t buy, they say you are so kiam. This is the core reason why you’re always broke: peer pressure. Let them know that you’re not stopping them from spending, so why are they stopping you from not spending? And excuse me, but we can easily get a bowl of noodles for less than half that price. A friend who thinks less of you because you’re not overflowing with cash is not a friend worth having. And there are some friends who don’t understand that eating out “once in a while” means eating out once a month or once a fortnight. They think “once in a while” means every other day.

Stop going to clubs. Look, RM20 for a small glass of tequila is fine when your daddy is giving you an allowance of RM500 a week. But if you’re working part-time, paying your rent, buying your food and studying at the same time, you’re going to be broke real fast. And these “friends” who ask you out saying they will pay for you sometimes will btch about you behind your back saying that you never pay for anything, only know how to mooch etc etc. They think just because they spend RM300 a week on alcohol means you should do so as well. Stop going out with them to clubs (meet them in the mamak instead after their clubbing). Those drinks that they buy for you are not really free of they are going to say you are a cheapo moocher behind your back. Besides, you can’t really talk much in clubs anyway.

If you drive, here's an important tip: FIND ALL THE ROUTES THAT YOU CAN TAKE TO AVOID THE BLOODY TOLL! With the recent increase in toll prices, you are going to have to avoid these tolls at all cost. Also, petrol prices have gone up, so here are a few tips to consume less petrol: stop driving above 70kmh. Your petrol will last longer. Brake early, don't wait until last moment only tekan brek. Also, if you are driving automatic car, when you come to a red light, shift your gear to Neutral. Go Neutral also when going downhill.

Have some frugal friends. You know, if your friends are trying to save as much as you, you’re probably going to enjoy their company better. You will find things to do that don’t involve spending too much cash. You may even find things with discounts and go for it. I once went out shopping with a girl who considers me too kiam with money. For instance: when we found that Starbucks was giving away free coffee for participating in some activity, I wanted to go for it. She rolled her eyes as if it was so tacky and totally beneath her. On the other hand, I have a friend who only goes to Swenson’s on Tuesdays with 3 other people so that they can share the Earthquake (it’s 50% off on Tuesdays). We can still enjoy nice and expensive things, just be aware of the discounts and take advantage of it! You know, I would normally never drink Starbucks because of the price. It would have been enjoyable if we took advantage of the offer. Too bad my friend thought that was too tacky for her. This includes get-togethers. The eye-rolling-offer-offended friend considers that get-togethers are only fun if there are loads of expensive bottles of hard liquor involved. The other friend is perfectly happy with steamboat get-together (where people bring tofu, eggs, Chinese cabbage and a little chicken) as well as playing Mahjong (using peanuts of course!). It became so hard to remain being friends with someone who got offended when I refused to spend so much money. And it became easier on my sanity and pockets to be with someone who can have fun even though we don’t spend much.

Don’t smoke. If you do, it will cost you more than you can ever hope to save.

Being frugal doesn’t mean you have to live poor or be super stingy. It involves making choices that are necessary for your survival. It’s about choosing practicality or luxury. I still buy presents for friends, or take them out for meals, only it’s not that often (perhaps only once every 2 months or 3 months). Most of them time we go Dutch, or just spend time in either my house or their houses. They are understanding and even help me save money by lending a hand (i.e. downloading movies using bit-torrent so that I don’t have to pay for movie tickets of dvds, helping me with manicure and pedicure etc). It’s fantastic, and the money I save can go into buying them simple gifts when I’m overseas. They don’t frown at my simple gifts (wah so cheap ar), but appreciate them to the point of feeling paiseh (shy) to receive them because they know I probably didn’t buy anything for myself and ate instant noodles for dinner everyday while overseas.

Normally, a person cannot hide the emotional and psychological effects of sharing their lives with another person other than their spouse. It is almost inevitable that certain telltale signs will show because the emotions of the cheater will show through their actions, facial expressions and body language. By learning and understanding how the human psychology works, you can probably pin-point certain worrying traits in your partner.

Mind you, if you partner exhibits one or two of these signs, they may not actually be cheating. It may just be coincidental. However, if you find yourself agreeing with majority of the signs, (5 or more of the 10 in this list), you should probably start taking a closer look at your relationship. Also, they may not be in a physical affair. It may be an emotional affair, or a crush they have on another person.

So are they having an affair? Read on:

1. The most common: Suddenly buying you flowers and gifts and all of the sudden, being extra attentive! And it's not your birthday...

This is normally not a cause of worry unless it is accompanied by the other signs in this list. However, cheaters will be extra affectionate during the first few weeks of their cheating due to guilt of betraying you. It could even be a conscious to try to spice up their relationship with you. BUT this will not last. Eventually it will move on to number 2.

2. Fighting with you over almost everything (small or big), and storming off during the fight, shutting you out. When you talk/discuss about it later, he/she starts saying things like: "What would you do if our relationship ended", or "Will we still be friends if we are no longer a couple?"

The fighting over small things is normally a result of the cheater's emotions of guilt due to betrayal, and an unconscious need to have a reason to cheat (i.e. we are fighting all the time). The repeated statements of the end of your relationship is probably due to him/her constantly thinking of leaving you. Of course, he/she may not actually be cheating based on this sign alone: they could actually WANT to leave you (but not actually be cheating). Also, fighting over small things is more commonly a sign of PMS...However, if you have BOTH the fighting and the end of relationship, AFTER the showers of presents, it is a big red flag.

3. Change in behavioural patterns. You are closest to your partner and knows your partner inside out. You know their mood swings, their behaviour, their actions and even their schedule. If you notice something different, you may not be able to pinpoint what it is. But your instincts tell you it has changed. Look carefully. Don't ignore it because you are not making it up. For instance, your partner seems moody around you, and gets very happy when you say you are going leaving. Or, your partner is angry over God knows what (they refuse to share with you), although you don't think there was anything you did wrong or that anything went wrong in the day's activities. You see, it is inevitable that the cheater's relationship with the other person will spill over to your relationship. If they had a fight, the cheater is bound to bring it to you. If he/she was upset with the other person, he/she will be moody around you.

4. Slowly by slowly, you are getting shut out.

First it would be the talking. He/she stops talking to you, telling you about their day, or what they are thinking. You realised that you no longer talk about your feelings because your partner isn't interested to know what you want or feel anymore. When you DO talk, you are getting criticism over all the things that your partner used to find attractive about you. Any comments you make to your spouse will make him/her easily offended and start another fight. Number 2 (in the list) repeats itself until you you're too scared to talk to your partner first (you rather let him/her bring up a topic of discussion). The trouble is that he/she prefers not to even look at you or talk to you. He/she also begins to shut the door when they are changing (they never did this before), read a book or watch TV when you want to have s3x, pushes you away when you try to be affectionate and stops kissing you passionately. What's happening here is that your partner is starting to distance themselves from you. This is an unconscious effort to physically and psychologically move away from you so that it makes the cheating easier (less guilt). It's hard to live with the feeling of guilt pressing on them when they are betraying you, so pushing you away makes it a whole lot easier.

5. He/she has a new hobby/interest that they never had before.

This is a very BIG RED FLAG, especially if your partner didn't mention a new friend (of the same gender). Having a new hobby or interest or talking about something that he/she was previously completely uninterested in and that you don't share in means that he/she has been sharing this with someone else. People seldom have a change in their routines and interest unless it is sparked by another person. If he/she has a new friend, this will probably also happen. But if you don't know of them having any new friends of the same gender, it's most likely that they picked this up from someone else, and someone VERY CLOSE to them (i.e. their lover).

6. Your partner starts talking about another person of the opposite gender,

often criticising the person in an unconscious attempt to send the message that they are not interested in/will never be interested in that person. Psychologically and mentally, it is very hard to push a love interest out of the mind completely. Remember when you first fell in love with your spouse? You thought about him/her almost every free moment you had! It is no different when an affair starts. The cheater will constantly think of the other person, and inevitably end up talking about that person. In an effort to cover up, they will try to criticize the other person.

7. Your partner stops paying attention to you.

It started off with the lack of conversation and the shutting out (see number 4 above). It will continue to this. You make special effort to look nice, put on nice clothes and even work out in the gym. Your partner just doesn't notice you or your routines and life. He/she stops complimenting you on your looks and stops telling you "I love you".

8. Your partner no longer wants to discuss the future of your relationship.

This is another red flag. If previously, you have been discussing having children/retirement plans and now your partner stops or avoids the conversation, it is likely that he/she is thinking that of ending the relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is cheating on you, but if coupled with number 6, this is a BIG RED FLAG for you.

9. Sleeping patterns.

He/she either is super exhausted (without good explanation/reason) when going to bed, or has restless nights. Your spouse is also confused or disoriented when waking up. This can be due to too much toil during the affair, and also having trouble remembering which bed he/she is waking up in! If you see this after your spouse has been travelling, it is probably normal. But if you're going through a normal routine life and your spouse is overly tired or doesn't seem to know where he/she is waking up, this is a bad sign. The most obvious sign would probably be your spouse sleep-talking and calling another person's name!

10. Close relatives and friends start to notice something is amiss.

Because you have been living with the gradual changes, you may not necessarily notice immediately that things are so very different. You may even unconsciously choose to ignore it. But close friends and relatives will pick up on the tension and changes and comment on it.