Turtle Channel!!!

I have not donated any money to beggars for a long time. When I see people just sitting there and begging, I start to feel rather angry, for a lot of them are just going to take your generously-given money to buy cigarettes or drugs. For example, there is this guy with gout on his back who goes around all the churches in Petaling Jaya asking for money. He says, “Praise the Lord Jesus, the King of all Kings!” and then shakes your hand. Next he tells you that he needs money for an operation for his gout. I wouldn’t mind so much, except that he’s been doing that for the past 20 years. I have begun to doubt that he really wants money for operation. In fact, I started to really dislike people who use God’s name for begging. Why can’t they just find decent jobs? I started to believe that one should not give alms to those begging. Although some may actually need money for operation, most of these people are just lying to get money for nothing. By giving them money, we’re doing them more harm than good as we’re telling them that they don’t have to work for money. We’re saying that we will work and give them money for acting pitiful!

Additionally, I felt that I shouldn’t give money to people who would probably use it to destroy their bodies with drugs and cigarettes. My conclusion is that if they want to go destroy their bodies, let it not be with my money. Also, we all deserve what we work for. That is Justice.

But is that really Justice as a whole?

I recently came across this story, and it changed my perceptions.

There are people who actually are forced to sustain their lives through begging. There are disabled people who really need operation, and are selling bookmarks and key chains to get the money they need. Although there are many cunning people who take advantage of society’s generosity, there are many still who unfortunately, need to rely on it.

If I promote my principle of not giving alms to beggars, and if all of us really stop giving, then those who are truly in need will surely die. But those cunning ones would probably find other devious ways to get the money (i.e. steal, cheat or extort). After all, we can’t change their human nature. Am I so naïve to think that I can force them to do actual work rather than begging? If they are determined to get easy money, they will surely find other means of doing so.

Hence if I did succeed in my mission, what would I have achieved in the end? One thing for sure: I would not have gotten rid of lazy individuals who leech on our generous hearts, nor would I have changed the minds of those who are bent on destroying themselves with drugs. Their nature will probably be unchanged and thus, they find other ways. Instead, what I would have achieved is this: I would have left some poor disadvantaged individuals unattended and gotten rid of them even though they have real needs.

In other words, I would have sacrificed some good people who are down on luck without changing those people who are cunning and want free money. What a great injustice!

Unless I am able to distinguish a cunning man from a disadvantaged man, I cannot impose my narrow sense of justice without causing an injustice.

There will always be people who will take advantage of others. This has existed since the dawn of mankind. I cannot change them. But I shall also not cause more grief to men who have real grievances.

From now on, if I see a disabled man selling bookmarks for an operation or for a living, I shall check my purse for some change. If I do have some, it will go to him. I shall no longer concern myself over the cunning man whose nature is not for me to change. In contrast, I shall concern myself over the disadvantaged man, for it is within my power to change his luck.

I always thought that falling in love required a lot of effort and time to get to know a person. I had a list of criteria and needs from a partner and so, i always felt that the screening process is part of falling in love. After all, how do I love someone completely if I can't accept a certain trait?

But I was quite wrong. When I met Ye Chow, I had a long list of reasons why it could never work out between us, and why I would never love him as more than a friend. I even shared that list with my family. I knew that we would be great friends, and I knew that he was not someone I could love simply because he didn't match me in a lot of ways.

So I went along my merry way, occasionally telling him that "No, I don't want to be your girlfriend" or "No, I don't want to be your wife" whenever he brought up the subject. I told him so clearly and concisely that we were just friends, that he had almost all but given up.

And one day it hit me really really really really really really REALLY hard.

It happened to be one of those days when we were having a simple dinner in a coffeeshop after a game of badminton. I was just sitting there, eating some veggie and tofu and chatting with him. It wasn't a special dinner. It wasn't a special moment. My heart didn't beat faster, nor did I hear music in the background. In fact, I didn't even have thoughts anything like what I expected myself to have when I fall hard, you know, thoughts like "He makes me whole" or "he completes me".

In fact, all I was thinking about was how nice the moment was, having a warm meal after a tiring game. How I really liked to just sit there with him. And I didn't need anything more than that.

It was then, and only then, that it hit me. It wasn't until that moment that I truly knew what it meant to fall in love. I didn't have any overwhelming emotions. I didn't have any big efforts to put in. I just wanted to be with him, I didn't need anything more than that. I was contented just to sit there with him and watch him eat tofu (which can be rather yucky coz he tends to stuff a lot of veggie and rice into his mouth all at once). It was a very strong feeling of contentment and peace.

That was when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man I just told something like 100000 times, "We can never be more than just friends". In fact, I told the same thing to my parents! What a catastrophe!!!!!!

The first thing I did was to tell all those who needed to know that I was in love with Ye Chow. After a week of explaining to all those involved (I shall not go into the details), I finally told my parents, who were obviously very surprised. And two weeks after I told my parents, Ye Chow proposed AGAIN (without a ring). And I said "yes", knowing fully well that we had a long road ahead of us. My parents won't get over the shock easily (only 2 weeks with him and I was telling them about marriage). I would have plenty of problems with my ex. My friends would question the speed of the whole thing. And I had to meet his parents as his girl friend! AND, we had a wedding to plan on top of all that. But, it was well worth it, just to know that I could be sitting contentedly with him. I never felt as much peace before.

They said it doesn't take more than a second start falling in love. I agree and disagree. Sometimes, for people who are dense, it takes them a few months to realise it. But it takes less than a second after it hits them to make the final decision to love someone else.

That's how I fell in love anyway.

I must confess, I had a small misunderstanding with Ye Chow recently. He was reading a book which is a compilation of short stories written by some guy a few centuries ago. The stories describe the daily lives of him and his neighbourhood, as well as some rumours and strange happenings. It sounded very interesting, and I wanted to share the moment with him. The problem was that he was reading a Chinese book and since I can’t read a word of Chinese, I asked him to translate for me as he went along.

He took it as me distracting him and not letting him read the book. In the end, he went to the hall area to read. And I got pretty mad, so I went to sleep.

And I had a really awful dream.

***
Ye Chow and I were in our car, driving along the road to get to a shopping complex in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. We noticed that there had been a bad accident. There were a few cars at the side of the road that seemed very badly damaged. In fact, one of them was lying on the pavement in two pieces!! And there were bundles of clothes everywhere. I averted my eyes since I can’t bear to see accidents. It was then that I noticed something really weird. The road that we were driving on had pools of red puddles. In fact, as we travelled further, the red puddles were larger and larger until it appeared as if we were driving on a red road. There were more damaged cars, and horror of horrors, it finally dawned onto me that those sack of clothes that were increasing in numbers were actually mutilated bodies! I wanted to shut my eyes, but my curiosity was so strong that I couldn’t help but look harder. Some bodies appeared to be cut into two, which was why I couldn’t recognize them as human corpses. Some were strewing from the damaged cars (which also appeared to be smashed into two), while some were pretty much scattered in smaller pieces all over the road. I could even smell blood.

I was so horrified that I didn’t notice Ye Chow’s reactions until he spoke up. He wanted to stop at a nearby shop and just stay indoors. He didn’t think it was a good idea to continue driving on the road where the number of “accidents” seems to be increasing. So we stopped and walked into a small grocery shop. There, we found a lot of people huddling together watching a small TV set in the corner of the store. Most of them had a look of disbelief, while others had a really blank stare. The owner of the shop, a big Indian man behind the counter, told us that a gigantic-size tractor just went by 20-30 minutes ago. That tractor was attacking other vehicles. He had heard a lot of screaming and screeching of tyres, and the sound of metal crunching. On the TV set, a special news report on TV3 had pre-empted all other programs.

Apparently, a couple of teens had stolen an experimental vehicle from the Agricultural Research Institute. It was indeed a gigantic-size tractor, designed for harvesting paddy (rice). It had a detachable loader in the front and backhoe at the back, which would convert the tractor into a very strong vehicle for construction purposes. The machine was so powerful that it purportedly could do the job of 3-4 other tractors. The only problem was that in the hands of two reckless teens on a murderous spree.

A video feed from the news station helicopter showed the tractor “attacking” motorcyclist and motorists along its path. While many motorists can speed away in their far more powerful cars, many motorcyclists were not so lucky. The backhoe had an extendable arm that could easily nudge the motorcyclist to ground, after which the two boys would drive over the wounded and kill them. They also used the front loader to damage any cars that were parked at the side of the road.

The scene was so awful. On the TV screen, we could see people dying. Outside the window of the shop, we could see so much blood and corpses. I felt so nauseated. Ye Chow told me we couldn’t stay in the shop forever, as more and more people were coming in. We should probably get into our car and go home where it would be safe. I was so afraid to go out that I wanted to object vehemently, but when he walked out, I found myself following after him very numbly. Although I was screaming inside, I couldn’t utter a word. I just couldn’t find my voice to object to driving out there where the teen boys were still on the loose.

Throughout the drive home, I would find my heart pounding and ears ringing at every turn. I wanted to look out at every junction, but I found myself looking the opposite direction. It was as if I was two people at the same time. One person wanted to be cautious, alert and careful. The other person wanted to hide away, deny the danger, and do nothing.

And suddenly, the world seemed fake to me. When I looked out the front windscreen, I saw a world of colours that were not real. I saw that life was always going to end in death. I saw that whether I died under a tractor at the age of 25 or on a hospital bed at the age of 80, it would not make much of a difference to the world. These colours were not real, nor permanent. I would take nothing of it with me when the tractor comes. I turned to look at the man driving beside me. He looked so unfamiliar now. Just another human body next to me. I did not recognise his face anymore. But when he glanced at me, I recognised his presence. The face meant nothing.

Outside, the road was still red. There were police cars and ambulances going the opposite direction towards the city. Yet I didn’t feel like I was a part of the world anymore.

And then I woke up.
***

The first thing I did was to get Ye Chow to apologize to me and sort out the misunderstanding. You really should never go to bed angry.

This is a classic story (Taoism) that was very well translated. I leave it here to share it with you:

Chia-Shan and his First Light
One of my favorite Zen stories is that of the Boat monk. The story teaches the dharma and illustrates the high Zen literary style.Seems that a group of monks attained some degree of the Tao under a famous Zen teacher, Master Yao-shan. One of them was Teh-cheng and his dharma brothers were Yun-men and Tao-wu. Master Teh-cheng knew he didn't have the personality to teach a large number of people or run a monastery, so he told his brothers to send him someone of exceptional talent when they found one rather than open up a teaching center himself.

As is the rule, his job would also be to transmit the dharma to a qualified student if he could find one, but without a teaching center, he had no way to attract a student. Therefore his dharma brothers would have to send someone who had the karmic affinity with Teh-cheng for awakening. So he told them, "You know where I am staying. If you find a student of sharp potential, send him to me so that I may transmit the dharma."

Years later, it just so happened that Teh-cheng's dharma brother Tao-wu was attending a lecture by a famous monk, named Chia-shan, who already had a great following. Chia-shan knew all about the dharma and was extremely eloquent. He could respond to every question with the proper words, and yet he lacked the dharma eye...he lacked any true stage of attainment. Ask him any question and he could respond with the right words ... but without the dharma eye, everything was actually wrong because it could enlighten no one. He knew the words but did not know the real meaning -- he had not achieved it.

His case was like the intellectuals today who study the Bible, Koran, Buddhist sutras, Torah, or any such book or sets of books, know all the perfect words to use so that they sound as if they are in accord with the traditional teachings, and yet everything they say lacks any touch with True Reality. Why? Because those folks have no cultivation attainment themselves. They are dogma literalists rather than enlightened sages. So while they may be intellectually brilliant they are spiritually bereft, and cannot lead anyone to liberation.

That's the state of the world. That's 99.999999999999% of teachers and religious professionals out there.

So while attending the lecture, Master Tao-wu just kept himself quiet and concealed, but he snickered when Chia-shan answered a question correctly ... in order to attract attention. After it was over, Chia-shan respectfully approached master Tao-wu and asked what mistake he had made that his elder had done so.

Tao-wu replied, "You answered correctly, it's just that you've never been taught by a good teacher. I never explain things. If you want to learn, you must go to visit the boatman's place at the city of Hau-ting (where the Boatman Monk Teh-cheng was staying)."

Now because he really was interested in self-improvement, Chia-shan set off right away. This, in itself, shows he was of extraordinary character and not too full of himself. Chia-shan was right in theory, but did not have a real experience of the dharma, yet didn't know it. He thought he was right, but also suspected that he was wrong, that he was missing something though everything he said was correct and according to the scriptures. Amazingly, he was willing to take advice and was anxious to find the answer despite already being established and having a great reputation, so off he went. Would you do that? Now at the location, the dharma brother Teh-cheng had settled into a job ferrying people across a river, and had done so for several decades waiting for a good student. No one knew of his high stage of attainment. When the young monk arrived, with one look he knew that he had been cultivating and had some ability, but needed to be awakened to a true direct experience of the dharma. He needed a real, direct experience of the Tao. He knew all the right words, the sutras, the dharma and so forth, but he was clinging to all these explanations and his conceptualizations. He had become an intellectual master rather than reality master. He could not let go of them to realize no-self, no-ego, emptiness. Therefore he had not attained the Tao.

Upon meeting young master Chia-shan, who knew all the correct words but had no direct taste of reality, Teh-cheng opened up the conversation by asking, "What temple do you dwell in, oh virtuous one?"

Chia-shan answered with words that point to the Tao, though of course he did not have that stage of attainment: "I do not dwell in a temple. Dwelling is not like it."

Why did he say this? Because the original nature is not a state, and if you dwell or abide in any state it is NOT the Tao. Chia-shan was saying he understood the Tao by answering in such a way because a regular monk would simply have mentioned the name of his city or monastery.

The boatman then asked, "It is not like what?"

Chia-shan once again correctly answered the correct intellectual response, "It is not the phenomena before our eyes." Because Chia-shan kept answering correctly, but without without possessing the true dharma experience himself, it was like someone who would respond with the right scriptural retort from the Bible ... though everything said was everything right and you could not find any fault with it, you could tell they were wrong. I'm sure you've had that experience because it is hard to explain.

A little bit disgusted at these canned responses, the Boat monk Teh-Cheng then asked, "Where did you learn all this (way of answering)?"

Chia-shan answered, "It is not something that the eyes or ears can reach," meaning it ultimately comes from the Tao. This time Chia-shan replied in such a way that you could take it as a smirk, with the hidden meaning being, "I know this and you don't? Who are you that you don't know these things?"

With that response, the Boatman monk then uttered a famous line, "A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons."

In other words, if you just cling to scripture, or intellectualization, or the words of this or that holy text without arriving at a genuine experience of the true meaning, if you don't experience the original nature, you will tie yourself up in ignorance (non-enlightenment) for aeons and never become free. Why? Because you cling to the intellect, in which case you are wrong. Words will not save you, scripture will not save you. Only cultivation practice and realization will save you!

How many people follow this pattern today? They quote the Torah and cling to it, all the while being correct in words, but WRONG. They cling to the Bible, reciting verses and sentences correctly, and yet they lack any attainment or any means for getting anywhere. They cling to the Koran, the Buddhist sutras, Taoist works and they are all wrong. They never fathom the meaning of the texts. They never reach enlightenment or samadhi or any genuine stage of attainment. They can talk about things all they want, but these are just intellectuals rather than spiritual leaders, people who know a lot about religious things but cannot lead you to the Tao. This is all you find today in churches, temples, mosques and monasteries. No one has the enlightenment eye, or even an inkling that it exists ... and they are even oblivious on how to get there. "

A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons" -- Master Teh-cheng was saying that Chia-shan was clinging to the dharma and relying on verbal tricks, and that this was stupid. It would get you absolutely nowhere on the path of true spiritual practice and striving and progress. It was just mental games, verbal tricks and memorization. REAL accomplishment comes from the cultivation practice of letting go and detaching from the realm of mentation to get to the substrate underneath it and EVERTHING. "

A fitting sentence can be a stake that tethers a donkey for 10,000 aeons" ... Chia-shan was stunned at this reply.

Zen master Teh-cheng then said, "The fishing line is hanging down a thousand feet, and the intent is deep in the pond. You're just three inches away from the hook. Why don't you say something?"

He was saying, "You've done so much meditation work your life and are so close you're ready to reach it. Why not say something expressing your original nature?" Chia-shan was standing there, his mind emptied a bit because of the shock, and was just about to say something intellectual again when the Boat monk hit him with his oar and knocked him into the water.

Wham!

Chia-shan had just been ready to open his mouth again and say something that was in the scriptures when the Boat monk knocked the daylights out of him and he flew into the water.

As soon as Chia-shan's head popped up above the water again, the Boat monk once again shouted, "Speak! Speak!" and just as Chia-shan was about to open his mouth again, Wham! ... the Boat monk hit him again.

Now if you've had any sudden taste of emptiness where everything empties out (a religious experience), you can understand what happened next. Here's a man with a belly full of learning and it's all suddenly knocked out of him. He's been thrown into the water, he's worried for his life, and all his false thoughts have been whacked away.

That's the method the Boat monk used with Chia-shan.

Chia-shan could talk about anything in the dharma ... Consciousness only, the three Buddha bodies, skandhas, True Thusness, prajna wisdom, EVERYTHING. He understand all this but couldn't let go of it, so the Boat monk knocked him into the water to help him let go of everything he was clinging to. Even so, when asked to speak, Chia-shan was ready to spit out the dead scriptural words again, so Teh-cheng hit him again. When for the third time his head rose above the water, this time his mind had emptied out and he and become enlightened, so Chia-shan quickly nodded his head three times in quick succession to show Teh-cheng he had got it and he didn't need to be hit again.

Of course you cannot just hit someone to enlighten them. Don't think it's so easy. Chia-shan not only KNEW the dharma intellectually, but had spent his life meditating and had achieved some degree of emptiness, but just couldn't let go of his intellectualizations to see the path, to see the whole thing. He was close because of his previous attainments in meditation, but still clinging. He already had achieved a deep basis of cultivation beyond just studying, because of prolonged meditation work, and that basis is why Tao-wu sent him to the Boat monk. He was prepared....don't think someone can just whack you or slap you and you get it. Without countless years of meditation work, that would just get you a lawsuit today.

Master Teh-cheng was able to transmit the dharma only because Chia-shan had already spent years mixing practice with study. Master Teh-cheng was able, through the expedient means of whacking him, to help Master Chia-shan let go of everything and see the Path, see the Tao, realize self-enlightenment. If Master Chia-shan had not been a meditator, however, none of this would have been possible. So don't think that just studying scriptures and sutras -- of any kind -- will do it. You have to do the meditation work, open up your chi channels, chakras and so forth. You have to cultivate samadhi, but none of that is the Tao. It's just a preparation because those are all still illusory realms and false stations. They are not ultimate or supreme. They are there to help you clear out in a progressive sense, but when you reach enlightenment there are no stages -- you just let go of everything in one fell swoop. That's why it's called breaking through the conception skandha.

Upon being hit with the oar when in the water, Chia-shan GOT IT. His years of preparation and study, together with the Boatman's excellent skillful means, enabled him to let go, empty out and see the Tao. If you know the theory, that's why the story is so beautiful, so wonderful. But then, while still in the water, Chia-shan asked, "If you throw away the hook and line, what is your intent, teacher?"

In other words, Chia-shan then had doubts and asked about functioning. He was asking, "What about the methods for making an effort in the realm of existence if everything is empty... What do you do about them?"

Master Teh-cheng replied, "The fishing line hangs in the water, floating to set the meaning of existence and non-existence." In other words, don't talk of emptiness and don't talk of existence. Neither is right, and thus you don't cling to either and you can do what you want independently. You are free and liberated. Cause and effect still operates amidst phenomena, but you do not cling to them or the process. You realize the inherent fundamental emptiness of phenomena but you do not cling to it either. You are independent and free.

Master Chia-shan then said, "Words carry the mystery but they have no road. The tongue speaks without speaking." In other words, speaking is the same as non-speaking, emptiness and existence are equivalent to one another.

Master Teh-cheng was VERY happy at hearing this because then he knew Chia-shan had got it. He knew that Chia-shan had finally realized the Truth and was speaking from experience rather than from some scripture he had memorized and studied. So Teh-cheng then said, "After having fished through all these rivers [having piloted this ferry day after day for decades wanting to carry someone over to the other side], I have finally encountered a golden carp [enlightened person].

Chia-shan covered his ears at hearing this, and master Teh-shan said in response, "That's right, that's right!"

Then he told Chia-shan, "From now on you must leave no tracks where you hide yourself. But you must not hide yourself where there are no tracks."

He expressed in a high literary style many meanings: that Chia-shan must continually cultivate that state of no-thought/emptiness he had just achieved wherein there are no tracks. Furthermore, he must go somewhere where no one knew who he was, and leave his fame behind, and thus go into hiding in order to finish his cultivation. He also said that Chia-shan must not remain clinging to emptiness either, for that was also wrong.

The Boat monk then continued, "I was with Zen master Yao-shan for 30 years and I only took away this which you have just experienced/realized. Nothing more. You have just attained it. This is the meaning of all the teachings and nothing more. It's nothing else either than experientially realizing this. In the future you should not live in towns or villages but go deep into the mountains, find one or two people to continue the teaching and do not let it be cut off."

Chia-shan was out of the water by this time, and since the dharma had been transmitted, he started off to return home. The whole thing happened just this quickly, the dharma had been passed, and there was nothing more to be done. But for a moment Master Chia-shan doubted that was all and so he turned around, wandering if there was something else he was missing, if it all came to just this?

Upon seeing this, Zen master Teh-cheng shouted back to him, holding up an oar and saying, "Did you think there was something else?" Then he capsized the boat and disappeared under the water to show there was nothing else. You see, if you cling to all the pageantry of Tibetan Buddhism, you are wrong. It's just an expedient method created to help you REALIZE THIS. If you cling to the Torah or Bible, you are wrong. It's just to help you lay a foundation so you can experientially realize this. Nothing in the universe is absolute. The wind, the rocks, the flowers are all singing the dharma to help you awaken.

The meaning of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Sikhism, Taoism, Confucianism, yoga, alchemy and all the religions is to realize our fundamental nature. All the ceremonies, scriptures, prayers, and practices are to enable you to experientially realize THIS. That's the purpose of all the scriptures.

What else did you think it was about? Some ceremony or special belief?

Now you finally know. Cultivate!

Monks offering prayers and beating drums

When u enter the main hall where devotees gather, the first thing you will probably notice is the "stage" where statues of Buddha are placed and a couple of monks would be praying (chanting). Their sweet voices fill the air, setting the prayerful mood for the place.

Sprinkling water onto the statue of Buddha

Little fountains were also set up around the hall where devotees would take turns to sprinkle some water onto a miniature statue of Buddha and offer prayers. I suppose this is quite similar to the Veneration of the cross during Easter celebrations. I also noticed some devotees lighting candles before offering some prayers. I asked my companion what this ritual means and was told that it represents a continuing journey towards enlightenment, whereby the heart was "dark" before and now a light shines inside.

Lighting Candles

Placing the lit candle onto a tower of candles!

Walking on stones through a stream in prayer

So if you ever have a chance to visit Malaysia during Wesak day, be sure to drop by the temples and Chinese halls and you will find a lot to learn!

Imagine you are a young 16 year-old walking through a HUGE field of red flowers. After about 10 steps, you see an extra-large red flower. You are very attracted to it. You bend to pick it, but you find it has thorns. So you give up on the idea.


You continue walking along and come across a cute yellow flower with 3 petals. You bend to pick it. You feel happy holding onto a nice flower. You continue walking and after about a mile, the flower started to smell funny. You ignore the smell, but it gets worse and worse, so eventually you toss it away. Now you are flowerless.


You continue walking and walking and find another flower, this time blue with six petals. You happily pick it up. But after walking a bit, you find that you don't like the colour blue after all. After walking amidst flowers for so long, you have come to decide you prefer white flowers with five petals. So you toss your blue flower away and begin searching for the flower you have in mind.


You walk everywhere, looking left and right. After roughly 20 miles of walking, you finally found the flower that fits your expectation. Happily you pick it up. It even smells great. It is a large flower with 5 perfect petals. You continue your journey across the field of flowers, convinced that you have the right one. As you walk and walk, the flower begins to wilt. But it still looks ok, and you think you may be able to make it back home in time to save it by putting it into a vase. So you begin to run. The hot sun beats down and your flower is wilting faster than you can run. You are so desperate that you try to provide it with some of your saliva to extend its lifespan. Unfortunately, it dried up and shriveled. You continue holding on to it, hoping that it will go back to being the wonderful flower it was. But after walking for another 30miles, you realise that it is futile. What you could have done, you already did, and it didn't stop the flower from wilting. Perhaps it is better to let it go.


Dejected, you placed the dead flower on the ground where you are standing and pick up the closest flower you can find. The flower is reddish, with pink tips on each of the six petals. You continue walking across the huge field, holding the new flower. You walk and walk and walk and as you are making your way to the end of the field, you start thinking about the floweryou just picked. You don't really like red. You don't mind pink. But you are making this journey with this flower because you want to have a flower. It feels wrong. Eventually, after 20 miles of journeying with the red flower, you let it go.


Now you decide that maybe none of the flowers are worth bringing home, or maybe you are just not very good at keeping flowers in your hand. You press on, hoping to eventually get off the field. After another 20 miles of non-stop walking, you take a short break. As you sit there, you notice another white flower with 5 petals nearby. It didn't look anything like the earlier white flower but you like it anyway. You stare at it for a while, and then you pluck it and hold it in your hand. Then you continue along your journey.


The long journey across the field continues, but you found new ways of keeping the flower alive. Your efforts work well with the flower, and it bloomed. When you finally reach the end of the field, you don't really notice.

Two monks had to travel to the nearest town to buy some supplies for their temple. Since their temple was quite secluded, they had left their temple at around four in the morning. They walked slowly to the town, and arrived at 10am. After buying all that was needed for their temple, they started making their way back around 11.

One hour into their journey home, they came across a river. They decided to stop for a while to take a short break. They drank their water and sat down next to the river to rest their tired legs. Just then, a young lady walked towards them. She was a beautiful lady, with fair porcelain-like skin and willowy body. She looked distressed. She wanted to cross the river, but she did not know how to swim! So the elder monk told her to climb onto his back and he will carry her across. She was still apprehensive that the river might sweep her away when they are crossing. So he told her to hold on tight to him.

As they were crossing the river, the second monk, a young chap, looked over at the elder monk. He was aghast to see the young lady holding so tightly to his companion, who also happened to be his superior in the temple. Her body was pressed onto the elder monk’s back and her bosom was pushed up onto the neck of the man. His face was so very close to her bosom! This was unacceptable!!! As monks, they were not supposed to touch women! And here his mentor is practically making love to the young lady!

Just then, they reached to the other side of the river. The elder monk set the young lady onto her feet. She thanked him, and continued along her journey. The two monks went a different direction from her, back to their temple. As they continued their walk back, the younger monk kept thinking about how the lady and the elder monk held on to each other as they crossed the river. The elder monk is such a corrupt monk! He is a lecherous man! All his teachings were tainted, as he couldn’t even keep to the most basic of rules which was to stay away from women!

The more the younger monk thought about it, the angrier he became. He started questioning everything the else monk had been doing up to that moment. He was repulsed by all the words and interaction they have had. He couldn’t imagine going on as a apprentice monk under the supervision of such a man. As they approached the temple gates, he turned to the elder monk and told him that he wanted to change superiors.

The elder monk was very surprised. He had thought they were doing well, and could not understand why the younger monk wanted to change superiors all of the sudden. The younger monk, his face red with anger and embarrassment for the elder monk, told him that he was very improper to carry the young lady that way. It was not right, it was against their teachings, and it showed his weakness and lust for women!

The elder monk looked at his student compassionately. “I had put the young lady down by the river four hours ago,” he said, “But you have carried her until now. What a pity!”

Sebastian was a simple man. Yet he was a happy man. He woke up everyday and sang about the bright and lovely sun, even on a cloudy and rainy day when the sun was hidden behind a thick mass of clouds. He looked outside his window every evening and was happy to see the beautiful world outside, even on days of haze, miserable winters and traffic congestions. He would drive his wife up the wall, for he was just totally oblivious to his immediate surroundings.

Sebestian had a neighbour who disliked him immensely. His neighbour would tell all the others staying at the same block, about how inconsiderate Sebastian was, and how proud he was. "Sebastian always does his own thing without any consideration for anyone else. He is so selfish", he would say, "look, he planted a tree right next to my fence and all the leaves fall onto my lawn. What a nasty guy!". Sometimes he would say "Sebastian had another woman over in his house today, I bet he is cheating on his wife".

But Sebastian never knew about these words, or maybe he did not remember them. For many others had gone up to him either to question him suspiciously, or to inform him kindly to beware of his neighbour. Yet he never seemed to notice, and would happily continue along his way without even noticing his neighbour's angry stare. Perhaps he had a poor memory, or perhaps he was stupid, or perhaps he was very bold, no one really knew for sure. All they knew was that he always said "oh ok!" when they either questioned him or tell him about what was being said about him. And that was that.

One day, his neighbour went over to Sebastian's house and chopped down the tree that was in between the two houses. Sebastian woke up in the morning to see only the tree stump left. His neighbour was sitting calmly in his own front porch, waiting for Sebastian to confront him. He was waiting to tell Sebastian, "You deserve it, you inconsiderate fool. Do you think I want to sweep your stupid leaves everyday from my yard? You asked for your tree to be chopped!" Sebastian ran out from his house to his neighbour's porch and when he was face to face with his neighbour, he said "Thanks so much for chopping down my tree. Now I have more space in my yard. You are very kind!" With that, he shoke his neighbour's hand and sang a little song as he walked back to his house. His neighbour was livid! "Is he trying to be sarcastic? He is deliberately doing this to annoy me, that little rat!" he thought in anger.

So the next day, he went over to Sebastian's house and pulled up all the flowers. Sebastian woke up in the morning to see all the hard work he had put into gardening all lying dead on the broken soil. He paused for a moment, and then went up to his neighbour (who was waiting on the front porch of his house). Sebastian said, "You are so kind to allow me to plant something new in my garden. I had become rather attached to those flowers and would never have been able to get rid of them without your kind help. Now perhaps I can go plant some herbs instead!" And he sang a merry tune as he made his way back to the garden.

His neighbour was even more angry than before. Soon, all the residents of the block knew about how cruel, manipulative and calculative Sebastian was. But Sebastian was oblivious to their angry stares and suspicious glances. He walked happily about his neighbourhood smiling at all who passed him and thought to himself, "what a beautiful world, so full of wonderful people".

At this point, his neighbour had reigned in some support from other fellow neighbours. Together they plotted to splash paint all over Sebastian's house to teach him a lesson. Some wrote "Get out of this place!" or "Move away, we don't want you" or even "Everyone hates you!!" on the exterior walls of his house. When Sebastian woke up in the morning, he found his peach-coloured house splashed with red, green and yellow. He read all the words slowly. And he looked up towards his neighbour. This time, his neighbour was sitting at the front porch with a group of his friends, drinking tea and laughing at the hated Sebastian.

Sebastian waved at them and said "Good morning!! It's really nice to meet you all!" And he smiled happily as he went to the store to get fresh paint. Sebastian spent the rest of the day painting his house a new colour: Ivory. He sang happily and merrily as he did so, and when his neighbour and friends jeered at him, he only waved happily and continued along his way.

That night, Sebastian's wife could not take it anymore. She berated him, "You stupid man, our neighbour is making a fool of you. He has gone around saying all sorts of things about you. You need to go explain yourself to everyone else, otherwise they will mistake you for someone wicked. You need to make them see what a horrid and wicked man our neighbour is! He has done all sort of mischiefs like chopping our wonderful and shady tree, pulling up all our hard-grown flowers and wrote a lot of disgusting things on our walls. That is harrassment and you have to right to sue him!!!"

Sebastian looked at his wife for a long time in silence. He then said, "I don't understand why you say our neighbour is such a wicked man. He is a very nice man. He has helped me so much with the garden and the repainting of our house. He is a kind and loving man. See, he even brought a group of his friends to help cheer me on as I paint." His wife said, "They are not cheering you on, they are jeering at you. Didn't you hear what they said? They said 'paint away, you stupid man! Selfish people have to work harder because they deserve it!'. Can't you see that? Or are you really stupid?" And Sebastian replied, "Isn't that the same as cheering? How kind they are!"

At this point, his wife shook her head and made plans to convince Sebastian to move out of the neighbourhood. She went to bed fretting and angry that all the residents around them hated her husband so much.

His neighbour went to bed thinking what a stupid, calculative, manupulative, wicked and nasty man Sebastian was. He will tell everyone about Sebastian's wicked ways and chase the moron our of his house!

Sebastian went to bed thinking what a beautiful and wonderful world it is that he lived in. People are caring and kind, and so very helpful. Tomorrow the sun will be bright and lovely, and he couldn't wait to see it!

You know, wedding plans are actually very simple if only people would let go of their need to impress others. For instance, who cares if the church is decorated with flowers and ribbons? You are only going to be in there for 1 hour, and your focus should be on God, not on the decor. Who cares about giving wedding favours? If you are there to watch the person wed, isn't that enough? Why do you need some useless stuff as a "souvenir"? As if you are actually going to keep the gift as a "remembrance of So-and-so's wedding". Most likely, the only ppl who would keep anything is the bride and her mother.

And what is the big fuss about the wedding dress? Who cares if it is made of french lace, or a normal white linen cloth, or has intricate beading, or was designed by some international designer? After 6 months, the only thing anyone will remember is the fact that it was white. In fact, ask 10 guys right after the wedding what they thought of the bride's dress and at least 9 of them will say, "isn't it white?" If they can't even notice the details of the dress, would they care to look at your shoes? And your nails? So tell me, why spend $500 on a pair of shoes that no one gives a damn about? And $60 for a manicure that no one (other than your best friend) will notice?

And wait. What is the deal with the dinner banquet? Does it have to be in a 5-star hotel, or top chinese restaurant? Do we even really need a bloody dinner with 200 guests and each person only gets to spend 5 minutes of a 4-hour dinner with the newlyweds? Who cares if the bride changes 3 times? If she's ugly, she will look ugly whatever she wears. If she is pretty, she will look pretty in what she wears. Does she really need to change 3 times? Do i really think she looks any different in a different dress? Why does dinner have to drag on until 12am just so that I can look at the bride and groom from afar?

And wait. There's more. Why do you need to spend literally hundreds and thousands of ringgit on just one day? I think it is purely selfish and that you are just paying to have your egos stroked. Why not spend all that money on something more meaningful like donating to the war victims or something? I think it would be more meaningful to write in your invitation card that there will be no big celebration except for the 1-hour church wedding. However, there will be a large donation made to a charitable organization with all your guests names on it to celebrate the wedding. Wouldn't that be something?

Seriously. I think the commercialism of weddings these days is a disease. Brides rush out to find their dream dress and try to fulfil their dream wedding without even thinking of the marriage itself. So you spend 3 months agonizing over every detail of the wedding day (which will last all of 24 hours) without spending much time agonizing over the lifetime you have to spend with the man. And after 3 months, the wedding day itself will go by very quickly. Within the week, you are just another married couple. Big deal. THat is the truth of weddings.

There are a lot more things to think about than the wedding day. There are the nitty-gritty details of two very different characters that will have to come together and gel as one. For instance, he will have to deal with a grouchy and unreasonable woman who will surface once every month (inadvertedly, it will normally be around her time-of-the-month...but it is a coincidence, really...). She will have to deal with his detachment when he's tired. He will have to deal with her obsessive compulsive tendencies. She will have to deal with his bad breath in the morning. He will have to deal with having to sleep next to someone who always steals the blanket. She will have to deal with his adversion to "have a talk".

Bottomline is, instead of spending so much time with wedding plans, we need to spend more time on marriage plans. We need to draw out our routines and chores, needs and idiosyncrisies, and learn to deal with each other whilst maintaining our individuality. I don't have to change to accommodate you. I just need to accept you and to support you. You don't have to agree that it is fun to spend money on new shoes. You just have to love me enough to shop with me and accept that I love spending my time and money that way (and occasionally stop me when i go nuts and intend to spend RM5,000 on shoes). I don't have to accept that the best way to fix the TV is to kick it. But I can let you kick it and then quietly dial for the TV repair man when you're not at home.

At the end of the day, marriage plans last until death do us part. Marriage plans will continue being planned until death do us part. Wedding plans are too short-sighted. It is nice and good if you want a have a big wedding. But think again. What's the use of having a huge celebration when your marriage might only last 2 years? Or worse, you may end up living in misery until your spouse dies. What's the meaning of such a celebration? I rather wait until I am married for 40 years before having a big wedding celebration. That way, i know what I am really celebrating.