Turtle Channel!!!

Last week I read this line...it said "Always remember that you are very unique...just like everybody else". It really got me laughing...and then it got me thinking.

In our quest to be unique and to find some meaning in our lives, we often lament "No one understands me". Or the younger generation would always tell the older ones "You are so outdated. No wonder we can't communicate".

The irony of the scenario is that we are actually so similar. The more we try to be different, the more similar we are to the crowd. We think we should leave a mark in this world, but the truth is that to leave your name in history, you either have to be a very cruel person, or a very saintly one. If you are cruel, you leave your name to be scorned at for generations to come. Think Hitler, for instance. If you are saintly, you leave behind your name to be raped by someone in the future who either thinks you are a fake, or takes your teachings and twist them into something evil.

I would like to be forgotten when I die. Just another name on the stone at the graveyard. Just another face staring out listlessly at the visitors who come once a year either during Cheng Beng or All Souls' day.

You know, when I visit my deceased uncle in Nilai (cemetary), I would look at my uncle's "neighbours". See what year they were born and what year they departed from the earth. Some die so young, and I wonder what their story was. Was it cancer? Or an accident maybe? Some were born before the first world war and died after the second one had ended. What had they seen? Felt? Known? Lived? What were their stories? Perhaps one day, I shall write a fictional series of short stories on these lives.

Perhaps I should do that starting from today. Then we can really see how very similar we are. We are the sand on the beach. We amount to nothing. Yet we amount to something. Different sands, yet similar in compound. Far away, yet indistinguishable when brought together. Our accomplishments, hopes and dreams amount to nothing when we go. Our lives here on earth will be like a dream when we are gone. Just another soul. Just another one. So simple...why do we complicate it all?

This weekend I shall go plant some trees. My life may be forgotten when I'm gone. But it would be nice to do something simple and happy, far far away from the crazy and meaningless dog-eat-dog world we live in.

Recently, everyone is getting married. Seriously. I mean EVERYONE is actually getting married. Because of this, I have to look for clothes to wear, hunt down my makeup and generally attempt to look passable so that I don't outshine the bride in the worst possible way. I mean, one way to outshine the bride is to put on a beautiful white dress, wear gorgeous and expensive jewellery and have your makeup and hair done up to the tens! Showing up like that is one BIG way to majorly p!$$ off the bride!

From 50% asleep + 50% dead

I am sleepy. I know I am sleepy because I kicked a dog on my way to work. I know I'm sleepy because after I kicked the dog, I realised that it was actually my bag and not at all a dog.

I am grouchy. I know I am grouchy because I am sleepy. I know I am grouchy because I shouted over the phone very angrily. I know I am sleepy because I shouted over the phone, and there was no one on the line because I forgot to dial the number.

I am moody. I know I am moody because I am grouchy. I know I am moody because I my face is so long that my chin is touching the floor. I know I am grouchy because I am cursing the carpet for being a carpet.

I am sleepy. I know I am sleepy because I am moody. I know I am moody because my eyes are looking down all the time. I know I am sleepy because I keep walking into the door.

The world is going crazy...

I decided to use my passport photo to find out what the results would be. Next I thought I should use another studio photo taken when I was 18 to see if I get the same results, just to test the accuracy of this system. The 3rd picture is my professional studio wedding shot. The 4th and final one is my recent photo taken in 2 weeks ago. Here are the results:

Attempt 1: Passport Photo



Attempt 2: Studio shot at 18 Years Old


Attempt 3: Studio wedding shot

Attempt 4: Recent Photo

Discussions
Honestly, this software is flawed. I apparently have a 97% resemblence to Amisha and 90% to Madonna, who aren't even the same race as each other, or as me (totally different bone structure) in Attempt 2. Attempt 3 saw me "resembling" Martine McCutcheon (80%), Marcia Cross and Shakira (78% and 76%). WHAT??

The clincher is Attempt 4. My simple and normal picture with no makeup, exhausted (just landed in Europe after a 17 hour flight) and taken in a restaurant just before dinner. I ended up with a 75% resemblance to Lindsay Lohan, Beyonce Knowles and Mandy Moore. I wasn't even aware that Lindsay looked anything like Beyonce.

Conclusion
Not a good software. I have a feeling my post-graduate students can create something better. But then again, they are too busy creating something more sellable...

I read this off the bulletin board in my friendster account recently, and decided to post it on my blog with my comments appended on each statement:

1. Phone conversations are over in 30seconds flat.
Why the heck do you bother with a phone call then? Morons, and liars. You never call. You simply type in a 3 word sms like "Free for dinner?" or "Will be late" without any proper invitation for a date, or a proper explanation on WHY you are going to be late, HOW LATE are you going to be etc. Worse of all are your stupid sms responses to our questions like "Ok" or "Yes" or "No" without giving any explanation on WHY yes, WHY no or what opinions you have in your completely uncomplex brain other than "OK". WHY DO WE EVEN DATE YOU NEANDERTHALS???? *ah, glad to have gotten than off my chest -.-" *

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
Believe me, we girls are happy movie nudity is virtually always females. You honestly think we wanna see a hairy butt on the telly? Unless of course, it's Brad Pitt.

3. You know stuff about tanks.
Oh yeah right. Just like you know stuff about airplanes and guns right? All crap. Just put smart female scientist there and she'll find out you actually know nothing about tanks and airplanes and guns. You only know how to BS. Big time.

4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You KNOW should only carry one suitcase. Otherwise you won't have enough hands to carry our 3 other suitcases.

5. Sunday Night Football.
Well. We. enjoy. football. too. Besides, not all of you watch sports, so this statement is WAYYYY TOOO alpha male :P

6. You don't have to monitor yourfriends' sex lives.
Yeah, right. As if you don't try to monitor your female friends' sex lives!

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Ok. I concede this one.

8. You can open all your own jars.
So can we. We just ask you to do it. You, being so proud of being able to open all your own jars, are after all, just an over-glorified jar-opener. I'm glad you're proud of your abilities. Jar-opener.

9. Old friends don't give a crapwhether you've lost or gained weight.
They just pretend not to care in front of you to be polite. Your nick-name is Fat-a$$. Or Stickman. And don't pretend you don't care about being teased on your weight. We females know that is not true. How many times have I had a chubby guy expressed his hurt to me because of his weight? You alpha males pretend not to care. Yeah right. We know better.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don'trob you blind.
You only ASSUME they don't rob you blind. Enuff said.

11. When clicking through the channels,you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Yeah, but you do have to stall at every shot of someone getting shot at. Or a bomb going off. Or a female stripping. Or at the sight of blood splattered all over the scene. Or at the commercial of the McLaren-Mercedez. Or at the sight of Angelina Jolie. Or at at any and every car chase scene.

12. Your butt is never a factor in jobinterviews.
Hey, we use that factor to our advantage! And you can't! Hahaha, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!

13. All your orgasms are real.
No wonder you are always so exhausted.

14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
No, but you will get nagged at everyday of your life by your gf/wife/female friend until you will wish you are invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into theboards).
Talking about sexual and physical assault is not funny.

16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
Lucky you. That's why you should stay single. Otherwise you will be carrying our bag of useful stuff for us.

17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
........

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Wow, you can do this without a support group, but if you are asked to wash the bathroom, you need a support group. This is so .... sad...

19. Your last name stays put.
That's only because we females have a better perscpetive on things. You keep your last name, we keep your monthly salary. It's a pretty good deal if you ask me. And the best thing is that you actually fall for it. Every. Single. Time.

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
So what? I even leave my own bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, youdon't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
...Fine. You got me here.

22. You can kill your own food.
Oh yeah? And who was the scadery cat who joined me up on the table when we saw that cockroach?

23. The garage is all yours.
The joke's on you, mate. We don't HAVE a garage!

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You also get a lot of nagging for your constant act of thoughtlessness.

25. You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
You actually watched that movie? I am astounded!

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
No, but everyone secretly wonders whether you chew.

27. You never have to clean a toilet.
You can't help being incapable of being clean. Never mind, just hand over your wallet and we'll call a maid service to clean your disgusting toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready to goin 10 minutes. YUP!!!!
And we end up looking hotter than you. YUP!!

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Ok, you win on this count...

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
We don't really mind if you're paying big bucks for it.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
True only for some guys. I have met guys who actually got very upset about this. Should we start labeling them as females from now on?

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
But they don't make you look sexy to us. Have you seen what OUR underwear can do to you?

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
...Paedophiles...

34. You don't have to shave below your neck.
Wait, you forget. Sometimes you don't even shave above the neck.

35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
No, but they have the power to make you punch a hole in the wall and fracture your wrist. Personally I prefer the alternative.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
Ah, so you know how un-sexy your hairy butt really is. So stop complaining if we refuse to have sex with your hair butt. Isn't it obvious?

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
If that is happening, don't be too pleased yet. It's probably because no one from the opposite gender notices you. You are invisible!

38. You can write your name in the snow.
As if that is what you really do. Admit it. We all know you piss your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Yuck. I think I'll pass this one.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Really? So why are you ultra sensitive about your pimples?

41. Chocolate is just another snack.
Arrgghhh. I hate you.

42. You can be president. (In thislifetime.)
Ahahahaha!!! You??? Yeah right, you wish. You're no where closer than where I sit.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Are you kidding me? Who is the bugger in the passenger seat who keep freaking out everytime I overtake another car?

44. Flowers fix everything.
Of course. Because it means you had just spent 50 bucks on something that will die the next day. Hahahaha, we women love to make you throw your money away.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
If this is true, it means you are probably not going to get much sex from your gf/wife unless you keep changing partners constantly. Or it means you are going to have to buy a lot of 44

46. You get to think about sex 90% ofyour waking hours.
Why do you want to do that? It's not like you're getting it 90% of your waking hours. If you are, you're going to die by the age of 38.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
So can we. You just won't allow us to

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
...........

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
erm. Why do you want to do that?

50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Well, that is true.

No one knew why he did it. Day after day, came rain or shine, there he stood at the corner of Alberta and Kilmaan Streets playing his guitar and singing softly. He placed no hat in front of him for monetary collection. In fact, any attempts to give him money was always promptly rejected. He once spent twenty minutes in a conversation with a very insistent 70-year-old woman on why he wouldn't take her ten dollar note. He had appeared one day many years ago, to the town. He was not homeless, nor was he poor. He was always immaculately dressed, with his black cotton pants, brown trenchcoat, shiny leather shoes and a tall hat. His clothes may be out of fashion, but they were always clean and impeccable. The locals became accustomed to his music and voice and any new resident quickly became acquainted with him. In the little town of Guevkirsten, there were no tourists.

He was known to all, and knew all. In such a small town, it was not hard to know everyone who lived there.

At dawn, the marketplace nearby would slowly come alive. Farmers, fish mongers and butchers would pass him by and every morning they would exchange at least one short sentence with him. He knew if they had a good harvest at the fields, or good haul at sea, or healthy livestock. He also would know if they had a bad night from being shunned by the wife to sleeping on the couch after coming home a wee bit too late from the tavern. He knew if they were happy, sad or just bored. And from their collective news at dawn, he would strum his faithful guitar and sing his self-composed lyrics.

With the sun high up in the sky and singing birds come the housewives, who would regularly be seen dragging their youngest children in tow. They would wish him good morning, listen to his tune and hurry off to the marketplace. If he were singing a joyful tune, they knew that the harvest and meat would probably be good and they couldn't want to get to the market for their shopping! If he were singing a soulful tune, they would also hurry off to the market to try to get the best bargain before any other woman snatches up a better deal or a better piece of meat. But most of the time, his tune was merry and the women would hurry off anyway, eager to shop and spend their money on food and perhaps some new clothes for the children. The young children who followed their mothers often wander off to him and his guitar while their mommys bargain to their hearts content. The women never worried, for crime was low in their little town, and at any rate they knew their children can be found playing near him at the corner of Alberta and Kilmaan Streets. He would entertain his chlidish audience with stories and accompanying music. His stories were always different, but they all ended the same way: singing a merry folk song that all the children would know by heart from the age of three. Most of them could remember up to five of his folk songs.

The women and young children would soon leave the marketplace before noon. The mothers who stopped to claim their children from his loyal audience would have a small chat with him. He would know their latest triumphs (see the pretty blue bonnet my husband got for me, all I had to do was praise his muscles a little!), and also their latest grievances (ooh, little Tim broke my favourite porcelein vase last night!) He would share in their victories and help shoulder the pain that their children caused them. All the gossip would certainly pass through his ears, and the best thing about him was that they never passed through his lips. He deflected all unwanted questions and probings by strumming his guitar and breaking into yet another song.

At noon, the older children would return home from school. Most of them, if not all, would stop by his side to sing along with him. He was never made fun of, for he was their favourite friend and the only entertainment available to the children apart from the occasional arrival of the circus or moving funfair. The children knew and loved him, sang his songs, told him of their day in school and some even make up new songs to sing along with him. They stayed for a half hour, and hurry off home to eat and to help out in the housework. The girls would have to cook, clean or tend to the front garden while the boys would have to manage the vegetable patches in the back yard, mend the fences or fix the plumbing. Hence the half hour they spent with him would be the time with they are totally carefree to gossip among each other while being entertained by his guitar.

In the afternoon, the market closes and so do all the shops. The shopkeepers would pass him by, stopping to inquire about his health and to talk about their business. Often, they would share a little of their produce with him, some gave him chocolates, some gave him bread and some gave him a pipe. He would, in return, listen to their troubles and wash away their worries with a song. It always worked.

The evenings saw the men return from work, and walking out to the pubs and taverns. They would pass him by, sober, and later in the night a little more tipsy than their wives would prefer. They listened and talked to him before a drink, and sang with him after. On specials nights, like someone's birthday, he would join them in the pub...him and his faithful old guitar...playing the birthday song, and any other song requests.

He was well liked.

Yet, he had no job. No one knew where he got the money to eat. He never worked, for he was always there, at the corner of Alberta and Kilmaan Street, standing and strumming his guitar. No one knew anything about his family or his friends.

He was not there, at the corner of Alberta and Kilmaan Streets, one fine day in early October just before the autumn claimed the land. The music and singing was missed terribly. The town icon was lost. They waited for him for two days, they went to his known address, they even called the police in the big city 2 hours away. But no one knew where he went. He had simply disappeared.

And it was very quiet, there at the corner of Alberta and Kilmaan Streets.

Three months later, the young boys began to take out their guitars to sing there for about a half hour after their school closes. Their mothers did not disapprove. The men followed their suit, and started taking guitars to the pubs and taverns at nights. The women started singing to the marketplace, and the young children in tow also humming along the same tune.

The man was gone, but the music never died.

Ok, there have been loads of stuff off the internet on how to save money. But their tips include: stop drinking Starbucks, or go shopping only once a week using cash instead of credit card. Honestly, those tips are for those people who are already pretty well-off but just overspending. What about those who are already broke and need to save more money for college tuition fees and stuff like that? People who can't even afford to pay for Kopi-O in the mamak, much less Starbucks in the first place?

Here’s what you do:
Firstly, stop going to mamak with your friends so often. That Teh Ais might only cost RM1.40, but if you go 5 days in a week, after a month you will be spending RM28. That’s a lot of money for someone who is already broke. Besides, RM28 can buy you the new box of underwear that you seriously need (not safe for your reproduction orgrans to go hanging about near the zips of your jeans, I tell you). However, by not going for outings you may end up losing friends, so it may be a better idea to still go to mamak, but bring your own bottle of water (not mineral water, but boiled water that you pour into your recycled mineral water bottle). Mamaks are usually quite tolerant of people bringing in bottle water.

The second thing you need to do is stop buying lunch at the hawker. Go shop in Giant or the Pasar Pagi (morning market) and buy some eggs, tofu and vegetables. Those are pretty cheap. Cook your own food and tah pao (pack it) to your college or work place. This will save you something like RM2 a day. After a month, you would have saved RM40. If you feel shy about eating that, why not pack sandwiches instead? 4 slices of bread and some tuna spread, you can eat this with your friends in the food court. Maybe once a week, you can treat yourself to a char kuey teow. Oh yar, and never buy drinks. Just pack your mineral water bottle. Eh, you think RM40 so easy to earn ar? RM40 can easily pay for your handphone bill OK.

Another thing to save money is to spend less on consumables. Let's face it, tissue paper is expensive. Cloth is reusable and washable. Use a face cloth to wipe your face after washing instead of tissue. Use a hand cloth to wipe your hands after washing. You will save loads on buying tissue paper. Also, the dish washing liquid is pretty much the same, whether you buy an expensive brand or the Giant/Tesco brand. If it offends you to look at the cheapo brand in your house, buy a nice washing liquid dispenser for your kitchen and fill it up with the cheapo brand. No one will know the difference and your dishes will still stay clean. You can do the same for hand washing liquid.

Let your friends know you are broke, and if they choose an expensive restaurant to eat it, you will only be ordering water. Some friends take it for granted that expensive places to eat is actually cheap. They think the food outlets in shopping complexes are very cheap what. Only RM9.90 for a bowl of noodles. If you don’t buy, they say you are so kiam. This is the core reason why you’re always broke: peer pressure. Let them know that you’re not stopping them from spending, so why are they stopping you from not spending? And excuse me, but we can easily get a bowl of noodles for less than half that price. A friend who thinks less of you because you’re not overflowing with cash is not a friend worth having. And there are some friends who don’t understand that eating out “once in a while” means eating out once a month or once a fortnight. They think “once in a while” means every other day.

Stop going to clubs. Look, RM20 for a small glass of tequila is fine when your daddy is giving you an allowance of RM500 a week. But if you’re working part-time, paying your rent, buying your food and studying at the same time, you’re going to be broke real fast. And these “friends” who ask you out saying they will pay for you sometimes will btch about you behind your back saying that you never pay for anything, only know how to mooch etc etc. They think just because they spend RM300 a week on alcohol means you should do so as well. Stop going out with them to clubs (meet them in the mamak instead after their clubbing). Those drinks that they buy for you are not really free of they are going to say you are a cheapo moocher behind your back. Besides, you can’t really talk much in clubs anyway.

If you drive, here's an important tip: FIND ALL THE ROUTES THAT YOU CAN TAKE TO AVOID THE BLOODY TOLL! With the recent increase in toll prices, you are going to have to avoid these tolls at all cost. Also, petrol prices have gone up, so here are a few tips to consume less petrol: stop driving above 70kmh. Your petrol will last longer. Brake early, don't wait until last moment only tekan brek. Also, if you are driving automatic car, when you come to a red light, shift your gear to Neutral. Go Neutral also when going downhill.

Have some frugal friends. You know, if your friends are trying to save as much as you, you’re probably going to enjoy their company better. You will find things to do that don’t involve spending too much cash. You may even find things with discounts and go for it. I once went out shopping with a girl who considers me too kiam with money. For instance: when we found that Starbucks was giving away free coffee for participating in some activity, I wanted to go for it. She rolled her eyes as if it was so tacky and totally beneath her. On the other hand, I have a friend who only goes to Swenson’s on Tuesdays with 3 other people so that they can share the Earthquake (it’s 50% off on Tuesdays). We can still enjoy nice and expensive things, just be aware of the discounts and take advantage of it! You know, I would normally never drink Starbucks because of the price. It would have been enjoyable if we took advantage of the offer. Too bad my friend thought that was too tacky for her. This includes get-togethers. The eye-rolling-offer-offended friend considers that get-togethers are only fun if there are loads of expensive bottles of hard liquor involved. The other friend is perfectly happy with steamboat get-together (where people bring tofu, eggs, Chinese cabbage and a little chicken) as well as playing Mahjong (using peanuts of course!). It became so hard to remain being friends with someone who got offended when I refused to spend so much money. And it became easier on my sanity and pockets to be with someone who can have fun even though we don’t spend much.

Don’t smoke. If you do, it will cost you more than you can ever hope to save.

Being frugal doesn’t mean you have to live poor or be super stingy. It involves making choices that are necessary for your survival. It’s about choosing practicality or luxury. I still buy presents for friends, or take them out for meals, only it’s not that often (perhaps only once every 2 months or 3 months). Most of them time we go Dutch, or just spend time in either my house or their houses. They are understanding and even help me save money by lending a hand (i.e. downloading movies using bit-torrent so that I don’t have to pay for movie tickets of dvds, helping me with manicure and pedicure etc). It’s fantastic, and the money I save can go into buying them simple gifts when I’m overseas. They don’t frown at my simple gifts (wah so cheap ar), but appreciate them to the point of feeling paiseh (shy) to receive them because they know I probably didn’t buy anything for myself and ate instant noodles for dinner everyday while overseas.

Normally, a person cannot hide the emotional and psychological effects of sharing their lives with another person other than their spouse. It is almost inevitable that certain telltale signs will show because the emotions of the cheater will show through their actions, facial expressions and body language. By learning and understanding how the human psychology works, you can probably pin-point certain worrying traits in your partner.

Mind you, if you partner exhibits one or two of these signs, they may not actually be cheating. It may just be coincidental. However, if you find yourself agreeing with majority of the signs, (5 or more of the 10 in this list), you should probably start taking a closer look at your relationship. Also, they may not be in a physical affair. It may be an emotional affair, or a crush they have on another person.

So are they having an affair? Read on:

1. The most common: Suddenly buying you flowers and gifts and all of the sudden, being extra attentive! And it's not your birthday...

This is normally not a cause of worry unless it is accompanied by the other signs in this list. However, cheaters will be extra affectionate during the first few weeks of their cheating due to guilt of betraying you. It could even be a conscious to try to spice up their relationship with you. BUT this will not last. Eventually it will move on to number 2.

2. Fighting with you over almost everything (small or big), and storming off during the fight, shutting you out. When you talk/discuss about it later, he/she starts saying things like: "What would you do if our relationship ended", or "Will we still be friends if we are no longer a couple?"

The fighting over small things is normally a result of the cheater's emotions of guilt due to betrayal, and an unconscious need to have a reason to cheat (i.e. we are fighting all the time). The repeated statements of the end of your relationship is probably due to him/her constantly thinking of leaving you. Of course, he/she may not actually be cheating based on this sign alone: they could actually WANT to leave you (but not actually be cheating). Also, fighting over small things is more commonly a sign of PMS...However, if you have BOTH the fighting and the end of relationship, AFTER the showers of presents, it is a big red flag.

3. Change in behavioural patterns. You are closest to your partner and knows your partner inside out. You know their mood swings, their behaviour, their actions and even their schedule. If you notice something different, you may not be able to pinpoint what it is. But your instincts tell you it has changed. Look carefully. Don't ignore it because you are not making it up. For instance, your partner seems moody around you, and gets very happy when you say you are going leaving. Or, your partner is angry over God knows what (they refuse to share with you), although you don't think there was anything you did wrong or that anything went wrong in the day's activities. You see, it is inevitable that the cheater's relationship with the other person will spill over to your relationship. If they had a fight, the cheater is bound to bring it to you. If he/she was upset with the other person, he/she will be moody around you.

4. Slowly by slowly, you are getting shut out.

First it would be the talking. He/she stops talking to you, telling you about their day, or what they are thinking. You realised that you no longer talk about your feelings because your partner isn't interested to know what you want or feel anymore. When you DO talk, you are getting criticism over all the things that your partner used to find attractive about you. Any comments you make to your spouse will make him/her easily offended and start another fight. Number 2 (in the list) repeats itself until you you're too scared to talk to your partner first (you rather let him/her bring up a topic of discussion). The trouble is that he/she prefers not to even look at you or talk to you. He/she also begins to shut the door when they are changing (they never did this before), read a book or watch TV when you want to have s3x, pushes you away when you try to be affectionate and stops kissing you passionately. What's happening here is that your partner is starting to distance themselves from you. This is an unconscious effort to physically and psychologically move away from you so that it makes the cheating easier (less guilt). It's hard to live with the feeling of guilt pressing on them when they are betraying you, so pushing you away makes it a whole lot easier.

5. He/she has a new hobby/interest that they never had before.

This is a very BIG RED FLAG, especially if your partner didn't mention a new friend (of the same gender). Having a new hobby or interest or talking about something that he/she was previously completely uninterested in and that you don't share in means that he/she has been sharing this with someone else. People seldom have a change in their routines and interest unless it is sparked by another person. If he/she has a new friend, this will probably also happen. But if you don't know of them having any new friends of the same gender, it's most likely that they picked this up from someone else, and someone VERY CLOSE to them (i.e. their lover).

6. Your partner starts talking about another person of the opposite gender,

often criticising the person in an unconscious attempt to send the message that they are not interested in/will never be interested in that person. Psychologically and mentally, it is very hard to push a love interest out of the mind completely. Remember when you first fell in love with your spouse? You thought about him/her almost every free moment you had! It is no different when an affair starts. The cheater will constantly think of the other person, and inevitably end up talking about that person. In an effort to cover up, they will try to criticize the other person.

7. Your partner stops paying attention to you.

It started off with the lack of conversation and the shutting out (see number 4 above). It will continue to this. You make special effort to look nice, put on nice clothes and even work out in the gym. Your partner just doesn't notice you or your routines and life. He/she stops complimenting you on your looks and stops telling you "I love you".

8. Your partner no longer wants to discuss the future of your relationship.

This is another red flag. If previously, you have been discussing having children/retirement plans and now your partner stops or avoids the conversation, it is likely that he/she is thinking that of ending the relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is cheating on you, but if coupled with number 6, this is a BIG RED FLAG for you.

9. Sleeping patterns.

He/she either is super exhausted (without good explanation/reason) when going to bed, or has restless nights. Your spouse is also confused or disoriented when waking up. This can be due to too much toil during the affair, and also having trouble remembering which bed he/she is waking up in! If you see this after your spouse has been travelling, it is probably normal. But if you're going through a normal routine life and your spouse is overly tired or doesn't seem to know where he/she is waking up, this is a bad sign. The most obvious sign would probably be your spouse sleep-talking and calling another person's name!

10. Close relatives and friends start to notice something is amiss.

Because you have been living with the gradual changes, you may not necessarily notice immediately that things are so very different. You may even unconsciously choose to ignore it. But close friends and relatives will pick up on the tension and changes and comment on it.