Turtle Channel!!!

Normally, a person cannot hide the emotional and psychological effects of sharing their lives with another person other than their spouse. It is almost inevitable that certain telltale signs will show because the emotions of the cheater will show through their actions, facial expressions and body language. By learning and understanding how the human psychology works, you can probably pin-point certain worrying traits in your partner.

Mind you, if you partner exhibits one or two of these signs, they may not actually be cheating. It may just be coincidental. However, if you find yourself agreeing with majority of the signs, (5 or more of the 10 in this list), you should probably start taking a closer look at your relationship. Also, they may not be in a physical affair. It may be an emotional affair, or a crush they have on another person.

So are they having an affair? Read on:

1. The most common: Suddenly buying you flowers and gifts and all of the sudden, being extra attentive! And it's not your birthday...

This is normally not a cause of worry unless it is accompanied by the other signs in this list. However, cheaters will be extra affectionate during the first few weeks of their cheating due to guilt of betraying you. It could even be a conscious to try to spice up their relationship with you. BUT this will not last. Eventually it will move on to number 2.

2. Fighting with you over almost everything (small or big), and storming off during the fight, shutting you out. When you talk/discuss about it later, he/she starts saying things like: "What would you do if our relationship ended", or "Will we still be friends if we are no longer a couple?"

The fighting over small things is normally a result of the cheater's emotions of guilt due to betrayal, and an unconscious need to have a reason to cheat (i.e. we are fighting all the time). The repeated statements of the end of your relationship is probably due to him/her constantly thinking of leaving you. Of course, he/she may not actually be cheating based on this sign alone: they could actually WANT to leave you (but not actually be cheating). Also, fighting over small things is more commonly a sign of PMS...However, if you have BOTH the fighting and the end of relationship, AFTER the showers of presents, it is a big red flag.

3. Change in behavioural patterns. You are closest to your partner and knows your partner inside out. You know their mood swings, their behaviour, their actions and even their schedule. If you notice something different, you may not be able to pinpoint what it is. But your instincts tell you it has changed. Look carefully. Don't ignore it because you are not making it up. For instance, your partner seems moody around you, and gets very happy when you say you are going leaving. Or, your partner is angry over God knows what (they refuse to share with you), although you don't think there was anything you did wrong or that anything went wrong in the day's activities. You see, it is inevitable that the cheater's relationship with the other person will spill over to your relationship. If they had a fight, the cheater is bound to bring it to you. If he/she was upset with the other person, he/she will be moody around you.

4. Slowly by slowly, you are getting shut out.

First it would be the talking. He/she stops talking to you, telling you about their day, or what they are thinking. You realised that you no longer talk about your feelings because your partner isn't interested to know what you want or feel anymore. When you DO talk, you are getting criticism over all the things that your partner used to find attractive about you. Any comments you make to your spouse will make him/her easily offended and start another fight. Number 2 (in the list) repeats itself until you you're too scared to talk to your partner first (you rather let him/her bring up a topic of discussion). The trouble is that he/she prefers not to even look at you or talk to you. He/she also begins to shut the door when they are changing (they never did this before), read a book or watch TV when you want to have s3x, pushes you away when you try to be affectionate and stops kissing you passionately. What's happening here is that your partner is starting to distance themselves from you. This is an unconscious effort to physically and psychologically move away from you so that it makes the cheating easier (less guilt). It's hard to live with the feeling of guilt pressing on them when they are betraying you, so pushing you away makes it a whole lot easier.

5. He/she has a new hobby/interest that they never had before.

This is a very BIG RED FLAG, especially if your partner didn't mention a new friend (of the same gender). Having a new hobby or interest or talking about something that he/she was previously completely uninterested in and that you don't share in means that he/she has been sharing this with someone else. People seldom have a change in their routines and interest unless it is sparked by another person. If he/she has a new friend, this will probably also happen. But if you don't know of them having any new friends of the same gender, it's most likely that they picked this up from someone else, and someone VERY CLOSE to them (i.e. their lover).

6. Your partner starts talking about another person of the opposite gender,

often criticising the person in an unconscious attempt to send the message that they are not interested in/will never be interested in that person. Psychologically and mentally, it is very hard to push a love interest out of the mind completely. Remember when you first fell in love with your spouse? You thought about him/her almost every free moment you had! It is no different when an affair starts. The cheater will constantly think of the other person, and inevitably end up talking about that person. In an effort to cover up, they will try to criticize the other person.

7. Your partner stops paying attention to you.

It started off with the lack of conversation and the shutting out (see number 4 above). It will continue to this. You make special effort to look nice, put on nice clothes and even work out in the gym. Your partner just doesn't notice you or your routines and life. He/she stops complimenting you on your looks and stops telling you "I love you".

8. Your partner no longer wants to discuss the future of your relationship.

This is another red flag. If previously, you have been discussing having children/retirement plans and now your partner stops or avoids the conversation, it is likely that he/she is thinking that of ending the relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is cheating on you, but if coupled with number 6, this is a BIG RED FLAG for you.

9. Sleeping patterns.

He/she either is super exhausted (without good explanation/reason) when going to bed, or has restless nights. Your spouse is also confused or disoriented when waking up. This can be due to too much toil during the affair, and also having trouble remembering which bed he/she is waking up in! If you see this after your spouse has been travelling, it is probably normal. But if you're going through a normal routine life and your spouse is overly tired or doesn't seem to know where he/she is waking up, this is a bad sign. The most obvious sign would probably be your spouse sleep-talking and calling another person's name!

10. Close relatives and friends start to notice something is amiss.

Because you have been living with the gradual changes, you may not necessarily notice immediately that things are so very different. You may even unconsciously choose to ignore it. But close friends and relatives will pick up on the tension and changes and comment on it.