Turtle Channel!!!

Today was a very busy day. People were harassing me the very last minute and I was made to attend one extra meeting that was a waste of my time. Somehow, everytime there is some sudit, I am always chosen to sit in the committee that meets with the auditors. ALWAYS ME! I have been on every single audit since I started work. It sux. It takes what up precious little time I have. And it means I have to work on Saturdays to cover up all the stuff I miss out on.

So it was a horrid day. I had a very bad dream about eating hokkien mee with centipedes, caterpillars and bugs - and then having to scale down a very high wall (i am afraid of heights). I woke up with eyebags and muscle aches. My cereal ran out in the morning. I couldn't buy bread in the afternoon coz the shop ran out of bread. I was called in last minute for another audit. Everyone passes their work last minute. And expects feedback in time on top of it...idiots...

And it was a great day too. Because as I was leaving the lab after another 2 hour session of horror, one young man with afro style hair caught up with me in the lift area to let me know what he thought of me. His exact words were: "You look great, you look hot. How old are you? Wow, just wanted to let you know you look great!".

How I wished I had let him know he made my day. After such a nasty day, I found myself giggling like a school girl on a hot summer day.

How to create an OUTSTANDING Valentine CHEAPLY

If you know my spouse, Ye Chow, well you should know that he's one of those guys who detest Valentine's Day.

This is how he describes Valentine's day:

The day which the gate of the sinful open wide and the evil spirits roam free. The dark energy started their preparation from one month ago and this is the day when the dark army strikes. The evil spirits are everywhere on Valentine’s Day, causing people to rob each other under the bright light of the heaven. Even the innocents are not spared. Home is your only refuge on this evil day! Stay home! Heed the warning, or come out at your own peril!

I'm very sure this is shared by quite a few blokes out there. To some extent, Valentine's Day is quite ridiculous (maybe not as dramatic as Ye Chow's description). Why in the world do couples who spend most of their time going out on dates even need another day to date? It's not like we're celebrating World Marriage Day here (where married couples can ditch their whiny kids at home and have a special night out). We're celebrating a day for couples who are already dating! The trouble is that because dating couples already go on spectacular dates, they need to spend more to make this day remotely special. So out comes the ridiculously expensive presents, ridiculously expensive chocolate, ridiculously expensive 5 course dinner and extremely ridiculously expensive roses ($10 per stalk, ARE THEY INSANE??)

So how do we dating couples have an outstanding Valentine's day without spending all that extra cash?

I shall let you in on our secret for a beautiful Valentine's day!

Note: Firstly, I should admit that it took me 2 days to convince Ye Chow to even step out of the house for Valentine's day. We were in Melbourne for work, and so we HAD to go to the office for some meetings with our colleagues. But both our meetings ended a little early, so I managed to convince him to go out to the city and walk around a bit.

Turtle Channel's Spectacular and CHEAP Valentine's Night!
1. Flowers


Ok, we all know how much these things cost during Valentine's day. But why bring your girl flowers? Have you ever thought of this instead: bring her to the flowers!! Think about it! You can shower her with flowers and it won't cost you a thing...and you won't have to kill any plants in the process! And it's even more romantic that giving her a bouquet of roses and kissing over it. You can kiss her while you're surrounded by flowers! You can even romp in the nearby patch of grass, tickle her, kiss or and more! The possibilities are endless! Make the whole giving-flowers-on-Valentine's-Day an event that lasts something like 1-2 hours. You can even bring a camera and tripod to record the whole event. Believe me, it can be very romantic just holding hands and walking in the park. And kissing while surrounded by flowers. And yes, romping on soft grass is pretty nice too. Especially if there is a nearby lake. You can even bring some bread to feed the ducks together!

2. Gourmet dinner


Well, have you seen the ads on newspapers? Some hotels offer a 5-course dinner by candlelight with live band entertainment, flowers and candy for the girl and free polaroid picture to record the event. All for just RM800 per couple. Very cheap isn't it? Waitabloodyminute! Isn't that the price of 1.3 MP camera handphone from Motorola? You're eating a camera handphone! Dear God! As a nice alternative, you can bring your girl dinner under the moonlight! It completely complements the walk-in-the-park-with-flowers thingy. You can bring her some fish and chips or seafood or even burger and just enjoy it under the moonlight. In my case, Ye Chow bought me a seafood platter thingy (fried fish, calamari, prawn, scallops and fries) and a chicken burger for himself from a food stall in the park (it cost less than $15). For entertainment, we didn't have a live band. Instead, we had the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra! And it was absolutely free.

The concert lasted 2 hours. Actually most of the people attending were old Caucasian men and women, and a few young oriental girls (very few young men there). The Caucasians were teasing Ye Chow about buying me a nice Valentine's day present! HAhaha!! We ended the night with fireworks!!!! How about that for a spectacular Valentine's day? From a guy who doesn't even believe in going out on the 14th of February!! Hahaha!!!

So now that you know the secret of a Spectacular and Cheap Val's Day, how about you plan a good one starting from now? Go on, you have a year to get it right! And it won't have to cost you much!

Warning: 18 SG rating. Children under the age of 18 should not read this post. If you are under 18, please click here.

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The Turtle Strip

Yesterday was a pretty lousy day in most respects. In the morning, I needed to go to the bank to transfer some funds from one acct to another. I walked there only to find that I forgot to bring one of the acct numbers with me. Then we decided to go collect my wedding gown first. Only to find that the shop was still closed. So we decided to pay the cheque for the new house. Only to find that we forgot to bring the cheque out. I started to get a headache.

So we had to go back home, take the acct book and then go to the office to get the cheque and then do everything that we needed to do. We wasted one entire morning because of our forgetfulness. After all that, we needed to send our car to the workshop because it needed some minor repairs. And I still had the headache.

So at the end of the day, we walked to the workshop from our office to get our car. We waited there for an hour before realising that it wasn't going to be ready. And hence, we walked home from the office. And my head was pounding.

As I walked home, I realised that if i were to spend my time pondering over all the stuff that went wrong, I would be spending my time venting out frustrations and anger. Instead, I thought of writing about my pleasures of the day. So let's start again.

When I woke up in the morning, my spouse held my hand and wished me good morning. He peeled a banana for me for breakfast. We saw our new house again, and it seems to be going up quite nicely.

The walk home from work was very nice, we chatted all the way home and I even had an umbrella to shield me from the sun! We spent the night with friends eating shabu shabu (his favourite!) Before we turned in for the night, he massaged my aching head, brought me Panadol and water and hugged me.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had a good time :)

I have not donated any money to beggars for a long time. When I see people just sitting there and begging, I start to feel rather angry, for a lot of them are just going to take your generously-given money to buy cigarettes or drugs. For example, there is this guy with gout on his back who goes around all the churches in Petaling Jaya asking for money. He says, “Praise the Lord Jesus, the King of all Kings!” and then shakes your hand. Next he tells you that he needs money for an operation for his gout. I wouldn’t mind so much, except that he’s been doing that for the past 20 years. I have begun to doubt that he really wants money for operation. In fact, I started to really dislike people who use God’s name for begging. Why can’t they just find decent jobs? I started to believe that one should not give alms to those begging. Although some may actually need money for operation, most of these people are just lying to get money for nothing. By giving them money, we’re doing them more harm than good as we’re telling them that they don’t have to work for money. We’re saying that we will work and give them money for acting pitiful!

Additionally, I felt that I shouldn’t give money to people who would probably use it to destroy their bodies with drugs and cigarettes. My conclusion is that if they want to go destroy their bodies, let it not be with my money. Also, we all deserve what we work for. That is Justice.

But is that really Justice as a whole?

I recently came across this story, and it changed my perceptions.

There are people who actually are forced to sustain their lives through begging. There are disabled people who really need operation, and are selling bookmarks and key chains to get the money they need. Although there are many cunning people who take advantage of society’s generosity, there are many still who unfortunately, need to rely on it.

If I promote my principle of not giving alms to beggars, and if all of us really stop giving, then those who are truly in need will surely die. But those cunning ones would probably find other devious ways to get the money (i.e. steal, cheat or extort). After all, we can’t change their human nature. Am I so naïve to think that I can force them to do actual work rather than begging? If they are determined to get easy money, they will surely find other means of doing so.

Hence if I did succeed in my mission, what would I have achieved in the end? One thing for sure: I would not have gotten rid of lazy individuals who leech on our generous hearts, nor would I have changed the minds of those who are bent on destroying themselves with drugs. Their nature will probably be unchanged and thus, they find other ways. Instead, what I would have achieved is this: I would have left some poor disadvantaged individuals unattended and gotten rid of them even though they have real needs.

In other words, I would have sacrificed some good people who are down on luck without changing those people who are cunning and want free money. What a great injustice!

Unless I am able to distinguish a cunning man from a disadvantaged man, I cannot impose my narrow sense of justice without causing an injustice.

There will always be people who will take advantage of others. This has existed since the dawn of mankind. I cannot change them. But I shall also not cause more grief to men who have real grievances.

From now on, if I see a disabled man selling bookmarks for an operation or for a living, I shall check my purse for some change. If I do have some, it will go to him. I shall no longer concern myself over the cunning man whose nature is not for me to change. In contrast, I shall concern myself over the disadvantaged man, for it is within my power to change his luck.

I always thought that falling in love required a lot of effort and time to get to know a person. I had a list of criteria and needs from a partner and so, i always felt that the screening process is part of falling in love. After all, how do I love someone completely if I can't accept a certain trait?

But I was quite wrong. When I met Ye Chow, I had a long list of reasons why it could never work out between us, and why I would never love him as more than a friend. I even shared that list with my family. I knew that we would be great friends, and I knew that he was not someone I could love simply because he didn't match me in a lot of ways.

So I went along my merry way, occasionally telling him that "No, I don't want to be your girlfriend" or "No, I don't want to be your wife" whenever he brought up the subject. I told him so clearly and concisely that we were just friends, that he had almost all but given up.

And one day it hit me really really really really really really REALLY hard.

It happened to be one of those days when we were having a simple dinner in a coffeeshop after a game of badminton. I was just sitting there, eating some veggie and tofu and chatting with him. It wasn't a special dinner. It wasn't a special moment. My heart didn't beat faster, nor did I hear music in the background. In fact, I didn't even have thoughts anything like what I expected myself to have when I fall hard, you know, thoughts like "He makes me whole" or "he completes me".

In fact, all I was thinking about was how nice the moment was, having a warm meal after a tiring game. How I really liked to just sit there with him. And I didn't need anything more than that.

It was then, and only then, that it hit me. It wasn't until that moment that I truly knew what it meant to fall in love. I didn't have any overwhelming emotions. I didn't have any big efforts to put in. I just wanted to be with him, I didn't need anything more than that. I was contented just to sit there with him and watch him eat tofu (which can be rather yucky coz he tends to stuff a lot of veggie and rice into his mouth all at once). It was a very strong feeling of contentment and peace.

That was when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man I just told something like 100000 times, "We can never be more than just friends". In fact, I told the same thing to my parents! What a catastrophe!!!!!!

The first thing I did was to tell all those who needed to know that I was in love with Ye Chow. After a week of explaining to all those involved (I shall not go into the details), I finally told my parents, who were obviously very surprised. And two weeks after I told my parents, Ye Chow proposed AGAIN (without a ring). And I said "yes", knowing fully well that we had a long road ahead of us. My parents won't get over the shock easily (only 2 weeks with him and I was telling them about marriage). I would have plenty of problems with my ex. My friends would question the speed of the whole thing. And I had to meet his parents as his girl friend! AND, we had a wedding to plan on top of all that. But, it was well worth it, just to know that I could be sitting contentedly with him. I never felt as much peace before.

They said it doesn't take more than a second start falling in love. I agree and disagree. Sometimes, for people who are dense, it takes them a few months to realise it. But it takes less than a second after it hits them to make the final decision to love someone else.

That's how I fell in love anyway.

I must confess, I had a small misunderstanding with Ye Chow recently. He was reading a book which is a compilation of short stories written by some guy a few centuries ago. The stories describe the daily lives of him and his neighbourhood, as well as some rumours and strange happenings. It sounded very interesting, and I wanted to share the moment with him. The problem was that he was reading a Chinese book and since I can’t read a word of Chinese, I asked him to translate for me as he went along.

He took it as me distracting him and not letting him read the book. In the end, he went to the hall area to read. And I got pretty mad, so I went to sleep.

And I had a really awful dream.

***
Ye Chow and I were in our car, driving along the road to get to a shopping complex in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. We noticed that there had been a bad accident. There were a few cars at the side of the road that seemed very badly damaged. In fact, one of them was lying on the pavement in two pieces!! And there were bundles of clothes everywhere. I averted my eyes since I can’t bear to see accidents. It was then that I noticed something really weird. The road that we were driving on had pools of red puddles. In fact, as we travelled further, the red puddles were larger and larger until it appeared as if we were driving on a red road. There were more damaged cars, and horror of horrors, it finally dawned onto me that those sack of clothes that were increasing in numbers were actually mutilated bodies! I wanted to shut my eyes, but my curiosity was so strong that I couldn’t help but look harder. Some bodies appeared to be cut into two, which was why I couldn’t recognize them as human corpses. Some were strewing from the damaged cars (which also appeared to be smashed into two), while some were pretty much scattered in smaller pieces all over the road. I could even smell blood.

I was so horrified that I didn’t notice Ye Chow’s reactions until he spoke up. He wanted to stop at a nearby shop and just stay indoors. He didn’t think it was a good idea to continue driving on the road where the number of “accidents” seems to be increasing. So we stopped and walked into a small grocery shop. There, we found a lot of people huddling together watching a small TV set in the corner of the store. Most of them had a look of disbelief, while others had a really blank stare. The owner of the shop, a big Indian man behind the counter, told us that a gigantic-size tractor just went by 20-30 minutes ago. That tractor was attacking other vehicles. He had heard a lot of screaming and screeching of tyres, and the sound of metal crunching. On the TV set, a special news report on TV3 had pre-empted all other programs.

Apparently, a couple of teens had stolen an experimental vehicle from the Agricultural Research Institute. It was indeed a gigantic-size tractor, designed for harvesting paddy (rice). It had a detachable loader in the front and backhoe at the back, which would convert the tractor into a very strong vehicle for construction purposes. The machine was so powerful that it purportedly could do the job of 3-4 other tractors. The only problem was that in the hands of two reckless teens on a murderous spree.

A video feed from the news station helicopter showed the tractor “attacking” motorcyclist and motorists along its path. While many motorists can speed away in their far more powerful cars, many motorcyclists were not so lucky. The backhoe had an extendable arm that could easily nudge the motorcyclist to ground, after which the two boys would drive over the wounded and kill them. They also used the front loader to damage any cars that were parked at the side of the road.

The scene was so awful. On the TV screen, we could see people dying. Outside the window of the shop, we could see so much blood and corpses. I felt so nauseated. Ye Chow told me we couldn’t stay in the shop forever, as more and more people were coming in. We should probably get into our car and go home where it would be safe. I was so afraid to go out that I wanted to object vehemently, but when he walked out, I found myself following after him very numbly. Although I was screaming inside, I couldn’t utter a word. I just couldn’t find my voice to object to driving out there where the teen boys were still on the loose.

Throughout the drive home, I would find my heart pounding and ears ringing at every turn. I wanted to look out at every junction, but I found myself looking the opposite direction. It was as if I was two people at the same time. One person wanted to be cautious, alert and careful. The other person wanted to hide away, deny the danger, and do nothing.

And suddenly, the world seemed fake to me. When I looked out the front windscreen, I saw a world of colours that were not real. I saw that life was always going to end in death. I saw that whether I died under a tractor at the age of 25 or on a hospital bed at the age of 80, it would not make much of a difference to the world. These colours were not real, nor permanent. I would take nothing of it with me when the tractor comes. I turned to look at the man driving beside me. He looked so unfamiliar now. Just another human body next to me. I did not recognise his face anymore. But when he glanced at me, I recognised his presence. The face meant nothing.

Outside, the road was still red. There were police cars and ambulances going the opposite direction towards the city. Yet I didn’t feel like I was a part of the world anymore.

And then I woke up.
***

The first thing I did was to get Ye Chow to apologize to me and sort out the misunderstanding. You really should never go to bed angry.